Where do you think you are going? Check out the latest, greatest from the Phat Head. This guy drives planes. God. Help. Us.

Alright, I am at the grocery store on Sunday. I am juking and jiving the oldsters. Just trying to get my Fruit Loops. But at every turn, I have some ramrod trying her best to give me ol' "hit and run" with her shopping cart.

You know a man has got to eat. Do you really need to get type A personality and your shopping cart past me while I grab my snack crackers? Do you really need to drive over my toes while I pick up Junior's Paul Newman cookies? Do you really need to butt in line at the deli? Do you really need a punch in your old, wrinkled puss?

I say yes on all counts...

Actually, the chick who almost rear ended me was a sight younger than me, but more on that later...

I get out to the parking lot, get to my car and see the running Saturn parked 3 inches from my driver's side.

I smile...

Since my cart is full and I can't sidle up to the side, I park the cart behind the Saturn. I see the driver. Other side of 80. I see her back up lights go on. She sees me AND...I. move. very. slooooooowwwwwwwwlllllllllyyyyyyy.

After about 3 3-4 minutes of packing the car, she starts to pull out. Good Luck and God Bless Honey!

Except for one little problem.

Old Lady Hemorrhoid DID NOT wait for me to move the shopping cart.

DAMN THE LUCK!

She pushes it once, no luck. She pushes it twice. My pal the shopping cart will not yield.

She is oblivious.

I slowly bend over to look in her passenger window. I tell her that she is hitting a shopping cart. I think she knew something was wrong. I don't know if she thought she hit a person, a dog, or whatthef*ck. I know that she don't care.

I wait for her to put the car back in park. I do my best "shambling old man" to retrieve the cart. Then slowly return that horsey to the corral. Once I am out of the way, she is gone like her blue hair is on fire.

Ah, whatever, the under 60 crowd wins for once.

Then...

The rear end chick comes walking out with her supplies. Oh oh, she is headed to the car next to the spot the blue hair was in.

Can you say?

DAILY DOUBLE!!!!!

I am having a heart attack trying to get into my car and time my move perfectly. As she turns over her car, I am just pulling out behind her. You know something, this would be a perfect time to ...call Mrs. Friendly. So I do. After I go over the grocery list, I slowly pull out into traffic confident that I have struck a blow against assholes today!

So, as you settle in to read this blog this evening, keep in mind that I am doing my best to avenge injustices everywhere..

BEWARE EVILDOERS!

In other news, check out the Flying Dane! Someone tell that boy that blogs are freaking passe!  ¶ 11:33 PM 0 comments

  The Trifecta Ok, Mrs. Friendly stopped by with Junior during lunch today. She informed me that the menu will include meatloaf tonight. Combined with Chili for lunch, I only need one more leg for the Trifecta.

Any suggestions?

Do cigars count?

Cigar and a beer?

I need to ruminate. Carry on.  ¶ 2:24 PM 0 comments

  Me Not So Retarded After All After a long day of entertaining the Mrs. and the Jr...

It's time to settle in for some late evening moronica...

And the result...

PokerStars Tournament #18877033, No Limit Hold'emBuy-In: $5.00/$0.509 playersTotal Prize Pool: $45.00 Tournament started - 2006/01/29 - 21:30:02 (ET)
Dear albHammer,
You finished the tournament in 1st place.A $22.50 award has been credited to your Real Money account.
Congratulations!Thank you for participating.

No, thank you Poker Stars, thank you very much.

Thanks most for finding someone to push into me when we are heads up and I have big Slick and I have flopped a K and I have an opponent with A9o.
No 9...
No A...
no hope.

Next!

P.S. The Flying Dane completely disappointed me by not playing in last night's Poker Stars Tournament. I don't know what to say. It hurts to see that.  ¶ 8:11 AM 0 comments

  Why I want to punch someone in the face today... This isn't my favorite topic, but Friendly Jr. is approaching school age...

Why Friendly Jr. isn't going to a Catlick school

I love the part where the TimesUnion can't reach the bishop because he is in New Orleans...

Quick Analogy: this is like me taking the grocery money and giving it to some panhandler...

And not telling my wife...

And I thought the reason the Catlicks couldn't come up with the school money was due to pedophilia payoffs...

Now I know its really being poured into the remote charity/PR work...

Live and learn.  ¶ 8:11 AM 0 comments

  NEWS FLASH ME = RETARD!!! 52 cards in a deck...check
Green chips = $250...check
11 players at the table...check
Push with bottom pair against two face cards in the hole...check and mate!

I HAVE NO EXCUSE!!!!!

I really demonstrated some severe poker skills at the first game of Mr. Vegas's home game .

I am depressed.

That plus its another panic Friday at work. Everyone else must clear their desk by 4 PM. Everything they need done involves me.

Cry for me.

Recap of the first game last night.

Wally, theHost, and I are sitting together at one end of the table. If you combined all our cards for the first hour, the best we could come up with would be 76 offsuit.

Card dead and buried.
Later...
I get KQs in the hole...4 limpers...I am one...flop comes 6-6-crap...

I am up first and check (very aggressive)...
KC checks
Flying Dane checks

It is up to BMW and he (wait for it, damn you!) bets out about the pot.

Slickster that I am, I push BMW goes in the tank (I know I have the pot now!) for about a minute, folds, and I show (for that extra respect).

That's my highlight. That's all I got.

After my fearsome A4s ran into pocket Jacks, I was booed from the table. At this point, it looked like theHost would soon follow. But due to incredible suckout skills applied to the Flying Dane and others, theHost returns to his status as Supreme Suckout.

Second Game Highlight
Mr. Vegas's son plays...and play he did until he pushed on BMW!

Down goes Mr. Vegas's son! Down goes Mr. Vegas's son! Down goes Mr. Vegas's son!

That leaves MarkyMark, BMW, and our hero.

On a crap, crap, crap,crap, crap board, our man MarkyMark PUSHES! Whaaaaaaat!

BMW calls (I think he did that because I bluffed him in the first game)

Our man Mark shows, drumroll, Ax. He totally missed.

BMW shows...a F*cking Five to win with a pair.

I love push monkey poker.

Especially when it pays the True Donkey...for second place. Woo Hoo!

Can't wait 'til next week for another edition of "Folding Your Way to Prosperity!"

I command you to leave work now!  ¶ 1:33 PM 1 comments

  Serious for one moment... I spend a lot of time here bitching about the comings and goings of SNDK or Sandisk Corp. Please take my comments in that vein. I am merely complaining and I do not suggest you buy/sell based on these comments.

With that in mind, SNDK reported earnings last night and beat expectations. Great, right? Wrong. They also warned that the next quarter will be lighter and that there is pricing pressure in the flash memory market.

Ok, so the stock tanks ($8+) in the after hours market, the Yahoo Finance Message Board lights up and all the little chickens are running around without any heads...

Keep in mind a couple of things:
1.) Stop losses, selling into pressure are for SUCKERS.
2.) Our basis in this stock is $21 something, we can let it run...
3.) Our entire holding, even after a 200%+ run up is 2.3%. Remember, we have 60+ positions.

These aspects of the stock and protfolio tell me we can afford to let it hit our number of $79.

As I write this, SNDK is only down to $66+/- . We made $3 hanging on...

Sorry about the seriousness of the post, we will return to the Moronicon in the next post.  ¶ 9:31 AM 0 comments

  Quick Home Game Strategery Home Game tonight and MarkyMark and myself are confronted with the following problem. Since we will definitely be outplayed by Mr. Vegas, The Flying Dane, JonBoy, JoGirl, and BMW, I suggested a plan:

Once an orbit, MarkyMark needs to "pants" BMW and I will steal the blinds.

Good afternoon and Good Luck tonight

See you there.

I command it.  ¶ 1:44 PM 1 comments

  What are you doing? I'm hoping for two things:
1.) That one of my two readers is a woman
2.) That reader can tell me why woman get brushcuts.

In line at Dunkin' and I see some older gal with the old "high and tight." She was married but I am almost positive that her husband did not come up with this idea. Think about it. Was this the conversation:

Husband: Honey, you know I think you are the most beautiful gal out there.
High and Tight: Yes, but if I could change one physical attribute, what would you like me to change?
H: Oh, I guess your hair is too long. Cut it.
HaT: Thank you for your honesty. As your reward, I will do as you wish.

No way. Alternative conversation where the last two lines are replaced with:
H: Well, I don't know, you could use bigger breasts...
(sound of frying pan hitting skull)

So that being said, who comes up with the short hair idea then.

I submit as evidence, the catty girlfriend.
HaT: You know, Cat, I generally approve of my looks. But I think something is missing. Perhaps you, as my nearest and dearest friend, can give me a clue on how to look more appealing?
Catty Girlfriend: (Thinking: Heh-heh-heh, here's my chance to sandbag this bitch!) I think you need a man's haircut. It is the latest, greatest look!
HaT: (Thinking: Is this bitch sandbagging me or does she mean it?) Do you really think so, it's so butch?
CG: It worked for Sinead O'Connor.
HaT: Who?

Sounds plausible.

Warning: Girls, your girlfriends are bitches AND they are trying to sandbag you.

Have a happy day!  ¶ 9:36 AM 0 comments

  It's nice to know

PAUL MC CARTNEY GAVE UP THE CHIBA!!!

Very comforting news for all you hen pecked husbands out there.  ¶ 7:43 AM 0 comments

  Time for a stock market comment How can Texas Instruments (TXN) miss its revenue number (Heavens?!) and then be up 2% in early trading?!

Damned if I know, but (to coin a phrase) I'm luvin' it!

Hey little SNDK, whatcha doin' this week?

Up, up, up.
The ride does not appear to be over.
Hold on.

BTW, we bought DIS yesterday at $25.49.
Why you might ask? It's Mickey Mouse for crying out loud!
I am hoping for some discount coupons for Disneyworld for all my trouble.
Really, multiyear lows in P/E, P/S, and general depression about the stock overall.
Not a classic value play, but I think we are getting discount on this puppy.
Initial investment is about 1.7% of portfolio.  ¶ 9:46 AM 0 comments

  Mr. Friendly Weight Loss Plan for Both My Readers So while returning from the Dunkin' with my second coffee of the day, I get behind a fatass who:
1.) will not let me past her lumbering frame
2.) will not pick up the pace
I mentally curse her to 407th ring of hell. You know, the one reserved for selfish fat bastards that refuse to make life easier for those of us not morbidly obese. Then I think, Mr. Friendly, you are not being very charitable. What I should be saying is "HEY FAT F*CK! DO YOU WANT TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT?"

I mean, I want you to.

However, perhaps butterball was completely engaged with how she was going to manage to get her 3 bags of groceries into the office without having a fatal grabber or maybe she was having trouble with the excess slobber, I don't know. What I do know is that I can help her lose weight. I can help her with five words:

STOP EATING YOU FAT BASTARD!

That's what my doctor told me.

I go to the doctor for a check up last September. The nurse has me hop on the scale. We weigh it out and I hear a gasp and:"Whoa, momma!" I look at the numbers and utter "Holy Shit!"
A later conversation with the doc:
Me: "So what do I have to do?"
Doc: "Eat sensibly."
Me: "Can I have steak?"
Doc: "Once in awhile."
Me: "Donuts?"
Doc: "Look, there is heart disease in your family..."

Alright, long story short, I get on weight watchers without the f*cking weekly whinatorium. C'mon, you are already bent about all that shit you are giving up, now you are going to listen to some other barrel of blubber moan about all his sacrifices. I would sooner take the gas pipe.

With the Mr. Friendly Weight Loss Plan you don't need it.

Mr. Friendly says:
1.) Eat less fats and sugars.
2.) Eat more vegetables and fruits.
3.) Eat less often.
4.) Eat less per serving.
5.) Generally, eat less DOUBLE WIDE!

Getting up off your ass helps too. If you find that you are getting most of your exercise on your way to fridge or the supermarket or walking outside for a smoke, you need pointers.

Pointers:
1.) The elevator is your enemy. Screw him. You just have to ride with the f*cktard parade anyways. You don't need it. Ride the stairs fluffernuff.
2.) Lunchtime is half hour long. You do not need to take the entire 30 minutes to eat. You can probably empty the trough in five minutes. Use the remaining 25 minutes to get off your ass.
3.) If someone at work offers you a cookie/candy/donut, DON'T TAKE TWO! You shouldn't take one, Tubby.
4.) Getting home from work does not mean the food binge begins. Go play with your kids, take another walk, eat a small meal, steer clear of the TV and the closet eating (I know you are in there, ChipsAhoy!)
5.) When dinner is over, the f*cking kitchen is CLOSED. Do I need to repeat this?! THE KITCHEN IS CLOSED!
6.) Develop a sense of guilt for crying out loud! I mean you are messing with your health and you probably have some little squirts (or a spouse or friends or family, etc.) dependent on you. Give the cupcakes a rest for their sake.
7.) Develop a sense of pride. That way when the weight comes tumbling off, you can pound your chest and generally act like you are ONE BAD MOFO! Which you are, of course.

One last bit of advice, Chunks: Don't go to Weight Watcher meetings. They suck. They are a money drain. They add nothing to the glorious weight loss experience. Case in point, one of Mr. Friendly's spiesleft a recent meeting transcript. Here is an excerpt:

Round Mound of Rebound (RMR): I really miss my friend Chocolate Cake. And his buddy fried chicken too. Oh, and don't forget potato chips and her roomate soda. They were my best friends. I could always count on them. They were there for me when no one else was...And now I am turning my back onthem.
Oprah Wanna Be (OWB): Do you feel like you have betrayed them?
RMR: Oh yes and much more! I threw them out of my house! OhMyGod, I WANT THEM BACK!
OWB: I can see that. But don't you feel better about yourself now that you have lost all the weight!
RMR: No because now I am doomed to think about food all the time. I can't get a date because this is all I talk about! I mean, aren't you a little tired of hearing about the midnight ice cream binges!
OWB: Now that you mention it...
RMR: Nobody loves me anymore! Waaaaaah!
(End of excerpt)

Do you really need to listen to that? Mr. Friendly says NO WAY!

You need to listen to Mr. Friendly...
You need to eat less ...
You need to put the bag of chips down...
And take two giant steps backward...
Turn around and don't come back.

I command it.

I promise you, in two months or so, you will be a leaner, meaner, office drudge.
And I will not be cursing you to an eternity of pain because you made my coffee cold.

Wont that be nice.  ¶ 9:13 AM 0 comments

  Coin Flip I am playing a $5 SNG last night during the Pittsburgh game...
There are two of us left (I am up a nominal amount)
and I get 9s in the hole. He completes the bet...
I raise, I am aggressive heads up after all, another bet of the pot.
He calls, I have him on a weak face card, probably ace.
Flop is crapola. I have top card beat. He bets, I raise, he goes all in
and I call.

He shows, A5o. What? I am right?!

The turn is a J or something and wait for it...
River is the A.

Ok, it happens, no big deal. I shoot him a "nh" message followed by
a "lucky" message. No big deal, tame stuff.

His response caught my eye. He actually said:
"It was a coin flip."

HUH?

I restrained myself and did not tell him he was a 4 to 1 dog to hit his three outer after the flop.


But to both my readers need to know this:

HE WAS ONE LUCKY MORON!
HE WAS A 4 to 1 DOG AND DIDN'T REALIZE IT.
As my mother would say, He should be beaten within an inch of his life.

This is the part where I flip the virtual table and the virtual chips and virtual cards go flying.

More Monday Morning Moronica to follow.

Later.  ¶ 7:29 AM 0 comments

  Damn you, Wall St.!!! SNDK + Friday = a serious hit to your wallet.

Have a nice weekend.

SNDK sucks!!!

All right, I am done.  ¶ 2:23 PM 0 comments

  Give me strength... Things I hate about the office rest room
1.) Every H1B jackass thinks he needs to flush the urinal before he uses it.
What?
Ok, you stand three inches from the urinal, flush, have 3 billion urinary germ microbes bombard your hands, face, clothes, etc., and for what?! You will flush it again after you are done, right? We will see...Nope.
Ok, now I get it. You're leaving it for the next moron to deal with.

2.) No cellphones.
Do I need to repeat?
NO F*CKING CELL PHONES!
Tonight's contestant for World's Most Inappropriate Idiot is Mr. YouCantBelieveHowF*ckingImportantIam. He works in the fastpaced IT world and only he can bring order to his workspace/mates. Yet saving the world from rogue bits and bytes does not give our hero enough time to relieve himself. So...he will attempt to urinate and talk to his wife at the same time.
Verbatim Quote: No, don't get the veal, I hate veal. Get Lamb, oh yeah, that's the ticket, uuuunnnnhhhh...No, nothing, I am just peeing.

3.) Why oh why lord do these retards think it is ok to stand next to me while they pee. At a full house,I understand.
When you have a choice of three or more urinals, here is the plan, man:
A.) If you are first, use the urinal furthest from the door. DO NOT USE THE MIDDLE ONE. That just screams "I am gay and taking on all requests!"
B.) If that one is taken, next choice is the one FURTHEST from that one or for the mentally challenged, the one closest to the door.
C.) Fill in as best to stay away from your co-urinators.

4.) Wash your, stinking, filthy hands when you are done. Just using water is NOT ACCEPTABLE! Soap up, stinky!


Remember, I am watching you.  ¶ 1:31 PM 3 comments

  34% Return on Investment PokerStars Tournament #18043669, No Limit Hold'emBuy-In: $1.00/$0.10924 playersTotal Prize Pool: $924.00 Tournament started - 2006/01/17 - 22:17:00 (ET)
Dear albHammer,
You finished the tournament in 144th place.A $1.47 award has been credited to your Real Money account.
Congratulations!Thank you for participating.

I figure about a 1000 more of these and we are talking real money.  ¶ 12:16 PM 0 comments

  Ode to the Dunkin Through rain, snow, and bitter cold,
it's off to the Dunkin' that I go.

Gimme a medium and make it black
it's just the Arabica that I lack.

Milk or cream just ain't right.
Make my java look like night!

Starbucks is not by cup of tea,
Office Coffee Club tastes like pee.

Across the street I must go.
Through the mass of "YO,yo,yo!"

Walk past panhandler, I need my fix.
Get my dunkin pretty damn quick.

Brothers, Leathermen, and lawyers agree
Dunkin Donuts is the place to be.

Staties, cops, and bums alike
Gather here for a caffeine spike.

Got my cup and I am back at work
Ready to face the parade of jerks.

Dunkin' Coffee is where it's at!
Without my crutch, I feel like crap.

Medium black java I love you so.
Two a day and its go, go , go.

Thank you. Thank you very much. I will be here all week.  ¶ 11:08 AM 0 comments

  Brokeback Mountain Thumbnail Review John Wayne would be 99 years old if alive today...

And he would be kicking Heath, Jake, and Ang right in the ass.  ¶ 11:08 AM 0 comments

  SNDK GAS Wait, hear that sound...

That is the sound of SNDK sucking GAS.

Or perhaps a rebound from the bottom.

Out.  ¶ 2:09 PM 0 comments

  Home Game Musings Ranger Smith hosted last night's holiday tourney. As the old saying goes, even a blind chickengets a piece of corn now and then. Yours truly elevated his game to become either the second orthird best player at the home game. Kudos to me!

In the bad beat department, I was a both a punisher and a punishee throughout the night. In the first game, the blinds are starting to hurt me. I think I have less than 7 orbits at this level.In middle position (MP), I get a beautiful pair of 10s and bet out for 3x the big blind (I think that isaround $450). Folds around to WallyBall who goes into the tank. I patiently wait about twenty secondsthen chime in "Put a timer on him." WallyBall waits a beat and chimes in "All In." You f*ckin' b$st$rd!

All right here is my thinking at the time. He has me beat with the one of the four hands which kill me here. Say that is about 60% chance. Also say there is about 40% chance that he has two unpaired face cards. I don't think Wally will push with anything else. I am a little better than 2-1 dog here andWally is giving me a chance to double up plus the blinds. Additionally, I haven't got a lot a time to make a move, so IN WE GO!!!!

Wally shows KK. Flop scores another ten and I am off to the races with Wally's chips.
This looks, smells, and feels like a major suckout. But listen to Mr. Friendly for a second...
1.) These short tournaments with the high blind structures do not give you alot of opportunities to score. You either have to go on a major rush or take some chances. Bluffing through these will not work because there are too many people at the table.
2.) When the blinds represent 1/10 of your stack or more, losing one hand could cripple or knock you out of tourney.
3.) Most importantly, in heads up play, YOU ARE NOT NEARLY AS BAD OFF AS YOU THINK! Remember this: The hammer (72o) is around a 2-1 dog against a random hand heads up. This doesn't mean push the hammer every time but, there are opportunities (hint: first to act preflop against one other opponent?).

I don't know, I could be full of it.

Other highlights:
1.) Mr. Vegas runs the tables in both games. Now there is a man on a tear.
2.) Our lilRicky wakes up to some serious cards and play. He gets second in the second game.
3.) MarkyMark and TheHost chop the side game pot at what, 1 AM. Come on boys, I gotta go to work!
4.) Suckout. Re-Suckout. Cooper and I are heads up twice. First time my tens against her big slick. She rivers an Ace and I double her up. Not before I castigate to the poker gods for her ridiculous play against me, the second or third best player at last night's game. About fifteen minutes later I get AJo in middle position. Cooper raises 3x BB under the gun or thereabouts. I have less than 10X BB at this point (see Wally Ball above), so I am going "All you can eat, Baby!" Instacall from Cooper and she flips - wait - Big Slick again. The jack on the flop was all I needed to deliver the deathblow Re-suckout. Thank you very much. Sorry, I suck, what can I say!
5.) Ranger Smith is telling work stories. As a state park ranger, he sees some wild, wacky stuff. The image of him brandishing the baton while driving after the speeding snowmobilers is classic. I am laughing now.
6.) TheHost goes into the tank for about the tenth time in the first game. I ask him if he is contemplating the Pythagorean Theorem.

Hey, one last thought, do you think the original name of the movie was Bareback Mountain? Mr. Friendly refuses to see this movie UNTIL THE REACH AROUND SCENE IS RETURNED IN ITS ENTIRETY!

I am all about artistic integrity.

Have a happy day!  ¶ 1:06 PM 0 comments

  Untouchable Did you know you are untouchable? Yeah, neither did I. Mr. Friendly didn't know it until about 10 years ago. Imagine his surprise. Me, untouchable, what the f*ck did I do?! Yup, you, your parents, your children, your neighbors, virtually everyone you know is UNTOUCHABLE! That is, of course, with the exception of the Third World asswipe currently in your face.
You may not know the type so let me give you a thumbnail:
1.) He does not hail from Cohoes or anywhere 4,000 miles near it.
2.) You smell him before you see him.
3.) He is under the impression that there is an explicit caste system in the U.S. And he, of course, belongs to the upper caste.
4.) He works in the Medical or IT field
5.) He is under another mistaken impression that everyone else will sit in rapt attention as he spouts off on virtually any topic.
6.) He may be a woman.
7.) Have I mentioned the pidgin English and the marble mouth. Considered it mentioned and emphasized.
8.) He thinks he is smarter, more cultured, more moral, just better than you.

I realized it early in my IT career when some Mumbai Moron was lecturing me on some point. Graciously,he included some drawings with his lecture notes. A half hour into it, I realized three things: one, this jackass thinks I am stupid; two, he beats every one of his thoughts to death; three, he doesn't know that I am psychopath.
The next time this f*cker broke out pen and paper to draw something for my edification, I said:
"What the F*CK are you doing?"
A couple of clicks, ums, and ohs: "I am showing you how the database works."
Quietly, but laced with malevolence I made my objection clear. "If you ever draw a diagram for me again, we will have a problem."

Aaaahhhh. Peace and quiet for about a week.
Of course, he went back to drawing diagrams and prefacing remarks with a lectures on Newtonian physics. But that was mostly with other people. He visibly hesitated when using these tactics with me.

Mission Accomplished.

Much like in poker, there are those among us that think there game is superior. Usually they will attempt to push you around UNTIL YOU MAKE A STAND. Some humble, yet helpful hints: Meet various, long winded speeches with alot American slang. If I have to get the lowdown on the benefits of the vegetarian lifestyle, I will regale you with hidden benefits of the hamburger. Then I will offer you one. Explain the variations of Belgian/Calcutta dialects, I go all in by asking if you had indoor plumbing back home. As you can see, implying physical violence is not your only option. But, clear, overt signals that the asswipe in question is TOUCHABLE, VERY TOUCHABLE need to be made crystal clear.

Today's moral is simple. The world is full of people that would be more than happy to lead you down the primrose path of their own ignorance. Clearly, polite morays will not work because, in the offenders eyes, you are beneath contempt. To these jackasses, I offer a big "STFU OR ELSE!"

Have a happy day!  ¶ 1:06 PM 0 comments

  SNDK SNDK SNDK I COMMAND YOU TO STOP FALLING!!!

NOW!!!



Oh well, Friendly Jr. didn't really need a Ferarri yet...

Out.  ¶ 7:40 AM 0 comments

  Around the horn As I do my "duck and run" from work yesterday, I spot the most gorgeous pair of legs. No Fat, muscles forming a beautiful curve up to the rump. To show them off, she wore knee high boots and a very mini skirt. It was, in short, awesome.

However, here it comes, it ended there. Literally.

From the waist up. she had the visage and posture of a butcher. That didn't stop me from continually checking out her magnificent legs. But her image stays with me because of the striking contrast.

Sometimes it is pretty evident that the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

OK. It is a fairly mild winter up here in the Upstate. The panhandlers are out in force. My "look up" total for the week is: 3. Twice by the same guy, different days. The other guy lays a story on me about his car, his license, and the scumbag Indian gas station owner. I can't even follow the story. 30 seconds go by and the pitch has not been made. Sorry dude, I am late for work.

In the big and small picture, Friendly Jr. gets all my change. The folding money stays that way. Sorry.

On to today's stock pick: Navistar (NAV). They make International Harvester trucks and truck/school bus engines. If you are a guy, I just gave you the single best reason to buy the stock. But if you want to be cold and logical, here goes:
ROE (return on equity) 50+% This is not normalized. Some down years in the recent past.
Trailing PE: 7.5
Forward PE: 5.0
Price to Book: 2.81 These dudes borrow ALOT of money
Price to Sales: 0.17

Paccar and Daimler are the competition and NAV sells at discounted ratios to both.

I am not sure why it is getting beat up so much. There are some legal issues (check out the latest 10K. The auto and truck industry is in the tank right now (check out F and GM). This stock smells of a leading company in a currently depressed industry.

Check it out. I DON'T CARE IF IT TANKED A BUCK FROM MY ENTRY POINT. BUY MORE!

Remember: I do have a position in Navistar. I initiated this week. However, I am not an investment counsellor nor, do I suggest any special market knowledge. Use this blog with caution.

$5 SNG single table last night. Played some big hands early, made moves in the middle, and at the end: I get AKh heads up. I try to get this dude to commit to the pot (I am about 2:1 leader in chips). I lay out T3500. And kabang he goes all in! Woo hoo. As I hit the call, the thought of pocket rockets goes through my head but, that's life. I made my move, now I must finish it. He turns over (here comes) ATc. Oooooohhhhhh, thanks for playing. NEXT!

Over and out.  ¶ 7:40 AM 0 comments

  Read Me.txt Does anybody read the Yahoo message boards?

How do you research a stock? Do you take tips from advisors with a track record? Or do you do your own research at the Edgar site? Perhaps you have a broker. Maybe Barrons, Money Magazine, or the Wall Street Journal is your cup of tea. Mr. Friendly likes to get his tips from the Yahoo Finance MessageBoard. For his money, there is no better way of divining wall street and main street sentiment on a particular issue. Shall we take a gander at a few examples:

Our first caller hails from his mom's basement. He is into Technical Analysis. I will display the ongoing messages as a dialogue.
Basement Boy (BB): Stock X SUCKS DOG'S NUTS. I bought it yesterday as it cruised through the cup and handle, 200 Day MA resistance. Now today, IT F*CKING PLUMMETS RIGHT THROUGH MY STOP LOSS. I HOPE THE STOCK X MANAGEMENT, THE WALL STREET MOMO PLAYERS ALL BURN IN HELL!!!!!

The "Laugh at You" Dude (Lay) responds: Dear F*cking Moron, I told you to sell this POS (piece of Shit) yesterday at the high. I shorted 10 gazillion shares at the top and I am laughing at you from the yacht shop. YOU SUCK AND I RULE!
MB: I don't know you or why you are attacking me. I will put you on my "Ignore List." Please stop ridiculing me for making a mistake and admitting it.
Lay: You Masochistic pipsqueek! Stock X sucks and so do you. I know you are reading my post becauseI can hear your tears. BOW DOWN AND PRAISE MY STOCK MARKET ACUMEN!

This, literally, can go on for months. Perhaps we don't learn as much about Stock X as we do about the respective personalities (ie. fetishes) of our protagonists.
Second on the line is The Scammer. Typical post.
TheScammer: Stock Y will announce this afternoon an acquisition of Stock X! ACT NOW!
or the reverse,
The Scammer: MorganStanley/JPMorgan/MerrillLynch just downgraded Stock X.
Responses generally include Hopeful Idiot: Where did you see this? Please post link!!!! (There are scores of responses like this)

On line three we have the Ex Employee. His familiarity with the esoterica is astounding.
Ex Employee (EE): During my days at Stock X, the product factor for that particular line was z% with a margin of y% with a markup of x%. Factoring in the planned/unplanned productivity level for the Thursday afternoon crew at the Anytown plant, we can safely surmise that the projected level of product blah,blah, blah...
Someone buying this line of shit (SBTLS): Well EE, how does an increase in copper prices affect the AnytownTuesday Afternoon shift?
EE: Well, thank you for recognizing my expertise, (deep breath), the increase in copper prices is the main cause for inventory fluctuations that bubble up to balance sheet imbalances offset by a decrease in cash on hand...zzzzzzzzzz...


EE's evil twin, the Disgruntled Ex Employee (DEG), does almost the same thing except with psychotic outbursts
DEG: blah, blah, blah...the Saturday afternoon shift will produce 10% less units because the Boss who fired me after dicovering my illegal bookmaking/drug/white slavery dealings SHOULD GET CANCER THEN GET HIT BY A BUS!

Now that you have a primer on the Yahoo Finance Message Board personalities, please explore.  ¶ 1:51 PM 0 comments

  Odds of winning Let's start with some hopefuls:
BigMan: kind of hard to win when YOU NEVER F*CKING SHOW!!!!!
Mr. Weatherbee: Ditto, but we feel his love. Did anyone ever hear the story where this son of b*tch sent me to the rail with some weak Ax against my might AJ suited? If not, I can regale you tonight.
JonBoy: Home counting his winnings. No chance.
JoGirl: Helping JonBoy do same. Zero.
TonyaHarding: After the savage beating she gave us the last time she showed, how can this be anything but a positive move to her bankroll. She gets zero chance and a "I can't believe she would pass up beating our brains in again" Award.
RangerDanger: Given the choice of playing cards or hiding in the bushes waiting for hikers, guess what this guy chooses? Unbelievable. Not a shot.
Mr.Vegas: If someone can shame MV into showing, he would be a respected member at the table. However, our little game's stakes are probably too small. I give Mr. Vegas a 1 in 15 shot in winning a 1 in 2000 chance in showing.
Lou: She's gone AWOL. I hope you are well Lou. I still like your chances.
LilRicky: You have to be kidding me! Chances to win are infinitessimal. Chances of getting a hernia while picking up the 16 pound rock: EVEN

On to the degenerates:
Ladies first:
Cooper: She has been sorely missed of late, and I bet she misses our money dearly. I would say her chances are an inverse relation to the number of Smithwicks she drinks, with an over/under at 4.
3 or less bears: Even money baby.
5 or more: Easy money
Push: ??????
KC: I fold to her even when she is not playing the hand. She is in the money 4 out of 5 times.
LilBMW: I haven't played with her enough but I am taking the "last longer" bet against her old man (BMW). 8 to 1 to win.

Now for the truly bad players:
Marky-Mark: Too many vowels in the last name. Too many bluffs. Too many pushes against me where I am clearly the second best. I think he is a good shot f he doesn't get short stacked (that's Molson not chips). I give him 4 to 1.
BMW: Well, BMW has been on a run BUT these things do happen to end. 99-1 to win. 1 to 99 to mention BMW in the first three minutes of the game.
WallyBall: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Tiiltboy is still thinking about his last 34,425 bad beats. Just ask him, he'll tell you all about it. 50 to 1 shot.
LetsChat: This is hard because I may need to crack his Aces with hammer. If I am successful, LetsChat is off to TILTLAND where he is a poker god and the rest of us are mere donkey ATMs used at his pleasure. However, while in TILTLAND he will crash and burn at the table. On the other hand, if Mr. "UpandComer" at the work, keeps his head, the rest of us can repeat this mantra: "Nice hand, LetsChat. You suck." 4 to 1
TheFlyingDane: 2 to 5 that FD is the first to push all in. 5 to 1 to win. 10 to 1 that he has to leave early to catch a flight to South America tonight.
TheHost: Depends on the interview today. Money if it went well. OUR MONEY if it did not.
TheMan: I am preparing the Hammer for all of you. Please call me. 1 to 99 to piss someone off. 8 to 1 to win. Even money to have an excellent time.

See you then.  ¶ 9:31 AM 0 comments

  Honey, what's for supper? I have been thinking...

1.) Is meatloaf (with double baked potatoes, carrots, and asparagus) the best meal ever? I don't know about you, but it ranks right up there with me. I guess if I were to make a list of my favorite meals:
1. Veal and peppers at Lombardo's. Trust me it is worth the drive to Madison Ave. It is even worth a trip to Troy, or Schenectady, or Cohoes.
2. My wife's meatloaf. See description above. I used to hate the stuff. My mom did not believe things should be "undercooked" if you know what I mean. Mrs. Friendly gives it the attention it needs.
3. Grilled steak (any kind, as long as its pinkish) and taters (again any kind)
4. Chili, the way I make it.
5. Rib roast with mashed taters

There is a theme here. Maybe I should try chicken every once in awhile...

2.) Why does Wall St. want to cheat me out of my SNDK shares. I mean it was down over $2 today. Not that I am complaining about that. I bought mine about 2 years ago around $22. Now, when the price is around $77, some boiler room, wall street "sharpie" goof thinks I will give up the ghost if he and his buddies can spike the price for a couple of bucks. I give them the big "FU!" As of last non work related check to the ol' portfolio, I am only down 54 cents today. ALL WALL ST. SCUM BOW TO THE GLORY OF THE GREATEST POKER PLAYING, STOCK PICKING GENIUS IN LOUDONVILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO SNDK!

3.) I am really glad we didn't go raid the Oneida nation this past weekend. Otherwise, I would have missed the total puke fest that was Friendly Jr. and Mrs. Friendly ALL WEEKEND LONG.


4.) All you internet poker players out there, what is the deal with all the hate. I am playing a $5 27 handed tourney the other night and this one guy has a horseshoe jammed up his (you know where). He is totally steamrolling the tournament. As his stack increases, he is increasingly the bully. I am to this immecdiate right, so I am not playing anything but my power hand (72o, 83s, etc.) He is basically saving me from myself. By some stroke of luck, I make it to the final table and find this !!@##$$$% sitting to my immediate left. OK, OK, Friendly lay low. Sure enough this dude's luck continues and knocks out half the table. I, weakly, knock out the other half. But as the jackass is relieving the other final two of their chips, on total suckouts, the following conversation takes place.

Pissed off loser one(POL1): I don't believe it. I hope you get cancer, then get hit by a truck.
Me: Man, it is only $5.
POL1: It's not the money, man, it is about the competition.
Pissed off loser two(POL2): Yeah, right! (perhaps he said "Word!")

Moral: Today's story has two messages
1. People feel free to expose there "inner" asshole on the internet.
2. Competition will not get your progeny into the Ivy League. IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT THE MONEY.

Epilogue: After the tournament got to "heads up," I quickly dispatched Mr. Suckout in one hand via my tremendous poker play. ALL HAIL THE LOUDONVILLE HAMMER!!!!!!!!!!  ¶ 9:01 AM 0 comments