Mr. Friendly Says So
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Did you know you are untouchable? Yeah, neither did I. Mr. Friendly didn't know it until about 10 years ago. Imagine his surprise. Me, untouchable, what the f*ck did I do?! Yup, you, your parents, your children, your neighbors, virtually everyone you know is UNTOUCHABLE! That is, of course, with the exception of the Third World asswipe currently in your face.
You may not know the type so let me give you a thumbnail:
1.) He does not hail from Cohoes or anywhere 4,000 miles near it.
2.) You smell him before you see him.
3.) He is under the impression that there is an explicit caste system in the U.S. And he, of course, belongs to the upper caste.
4.) He works in the Medical or IT field
5.) He is under another mistaken impression that everyone else will sit in rapt attention as he spouts off on virtually any topic.
6.) He may be a woman.
7.) Have I mentioned the pidgin English and the marble mouth. Considered it mentioned and emphasized.
8.) He thinks he is smarter, more cultured, more moral, just better than you.

I realized it early in my IT career when some Mumbai Moron was lecturing me on some point. Graciously,he included some drawings with his lecture notes. A half hour into it, I realized three things: one, this jackass thinks I am stupid; two, he beats every one of his thoughts to death; three, he doesn't know that I am psychopath.
The next time this f*cker broke out pen and paper to draw something for my edification, I said:
"What the F*CK are you doing?"
A couple of clicks, ums, and ohs: "I am showing you how the database works."
Quietly, but laced with malevolence I made my objection clear. "If you ever draw a diagram for me again, we will have a problem."

Aaaahhhh. Peace and quiet for about a week.
Of course, he went back to drawing diagrams and prefacing remarks with a lectures on Newtonian physics. But that was mostly with other people. He visibly hesitated when using these tactics with me.

Mission Accomplished.

Much like in poker, there are those among us that think there game is superior. Usually they will attempt to push you around UNTIL YOU MAKE A STAND. Some humble, yet helpful hints: Meet various, long winded speeches with alot American slang. If I have to get the lowdown on the benefits of the vegetarian lifestyle, I will regale you with hidden benefits of the hamburger. Then I will offer you one. Explain the variations of Belgian/Calcutta dialects, I go all in by asking if you had indoor plumbing back home. As you can see, implying physical violence is not your only option. But, clear, overt signals that the asswipe in question is TOUCHABLE, VERY TOUCHABLE need to be made crystal clear.

Today's moral is simple. The world is full of people that would be more than happy to lead you down the primrose path of their own ignorance. Clearly, polite morays will not work because, in the offenders eyes, you are beneath contempt. To these jackasses, I offer a big "STFU OR ELSE!"

Have a happy day!
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Voted Best Blog 2006 by the city of Cohoes, NY. Mr. Friendly humbly accepts this honor as he attempts to stamp out retardation in our lifetime.

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