Monday, January 30, 2006
Where do you think you are going?
Check out the latest, greatest from the Phat Head. This guy drives planes. God. Help. Us.
Alright, I am at the grocery store on Sunday. I am juking and jiving the oldsters. Just trying to get my Fruit Loops. But at every turn, I have some ramrod trying her best to give me ol' "hit and run" with her shopping cart.
You know a man has got to eat. Do you really need to get type A personality and your shopping cart past me while I grab my snack crackers? Do you really need to drive over my toes while I pick up Junior's Paul Newman cookies? Do you really need to butt in line at the deli? Do you really need a punch in your old, wrinkled puss?
I say yes on all counts...
Actually, the chick who almost rear ended me was a sight younger than me, but more on that later...
I get out to the parking lot, get to my car and see the running Saturn parked 3 inches from my driver's side.
I smile...
Since my cart is full and I can't sidle up to the side, I park the cart behind the Saturn. I see the driver. Other side of 80. I see her back up lights go on. She sees me AND...I. move. very. slooooooowwwwwwwwlllllllllyyyyyyy.
After about 3 3-4 minutes of packing the car, she starts to pull out. Good Luck and God Bless Honey!
Except for one little problem.
Old Lady Hemorrhoid DID NOT wait for me to move the shopping cart.
DAMN THE LUCK!
She pushes it once, no luck. She pushes it twice. My pal the shopping cart will not yield.
She is oblivious.
I slowly bend over to look in her passenger window. I tell her that she is hitting a shopping cart. I think she knew something was wrong. I don't know if she thought she hit a person, a dog, or whatthef*ck. I know that she don't care.
I wait for her to put the car back in park. I do my best "shambling old man" to retrieve the cart. Then slowly return that horsey to the corral. Once I am out of the way, she is gone like her blue hair is on fire.
Ah, whatever, the under 60 crowd wins for once.
Then...
The rear end chick comes walking out with her supplies. Oh oh, she is headed to the car next to the spot the blue hair was in.
Can you say?
DAILY DOUBLE!!!!!
I am having a heart attack trying to get into my car and time my move perfectly. As she turns over her car, I am just pulling out behind her. You know something, this would be a perfect time to ...call Mrs. Friendly. So I do. After I go over the grocery list, I slowly pull out into traffic confident that I have struck a blow against assholes today!
So, as you settle in to read this blog this evening, keep in mind that I am doing my best to avenge injustices everywhere..
BEWARE EVILDOERS!
In other news, check out the Flying Dane! Someone tell that boy that blogs are freaking passe! ¶ 11:33 PM
Alright, I am at the grocery store on Sunday. I am juking and jiving the oldsters. Just trying to get my Fruit Loops. But at every turn, I have some ramrod trying her best to give me ol' "hit and run" with her shopping cart.
You know a man has got to eat. Do you really need to get type A personality and your shopping cart past me while I grab my snack crackers? Do you really need to drive over my toes while I pick up Junior's Paul Newman cookies? Do you really need to butt in line at the deli? Do you really need a punch in your old, wrinkled puss?
I say yes on all counts...
Actually, the chick who almost rear ended me was a sight younger than me, but more on that later...
I get out to the parking lot, get to my car and see the running Saturn parked 3 inches from my driver's side.
I smile...
Since my cart is full and I can't sidle up to the side, I park the cart behind the Saturn. I see the driver. Other side of 80. I see her back up lights go on. She sees me AND...I. move. very. slooooooowwwwwwwwlllllllllyyyyyyy.
After about 3 3-4 minutes of packing the car, she starts to pull out. Good Luck and God Bless Honey!
Except for one little problem.
Old Lady Hemorrhoid DID NOT wait for me to move the shopping cart.
DAMN THE LUCK!
She pushes it once, no luck. She pushes it twice. My pal the shopping cart will not yield.
She is oblivious.
I slowly bend over to look in her passenger window. I tell her that she is hitting a shopping cart. I think she knew something was wrong. I don't know if she thought she hit a person, a dog, or whatthef*ck. I know that she don't care.
I wait for her to put the car back in park. I do my best "shambling old man" to retrieve the cart. Then slowly return that horsey to the corral. Once I am out of the way, she is gone like her blue hair is on fire.
Ah, whatever, the under 60 crowd wins for once.
Then...
The rear end chick comes walking out with her supplies. Oh oh, she is headed to the car next to the spot the blue hair was in.
Can you say?
DAILY DOUBLE!!!!!
I am having a heart attack trying to get into my car and time my move perfectly. As she turns over her car, I am just pulling out behind her. You know something, this would be a perfect time to ...call Mrs. Friendly. So I do. After I go over the grocery list, I slowly pull out into traffic confident that I have struck a blow against assholes today!
So, as you settle in to read this blog this evening, keep in mind that I am doing my best to avenge injustices everywhere..
BEWARE EVILDOERS!
In other news, check out the Flying Dane! Someone tell that boy that blogs are freaking passe! ¶ 11:33 PM
