Hello Beano Customer Care Representative, I just wanted to thank you... Can I claim credit for this comic masterpiece? I mean its all true, but other people wrote it.

Ah hell, I found it, it's mine!

From the beano testimonial webpage:
"Beano is great! Thanks for helping me eat foods I dared not eat in the past."


"I just want to thank you for Beano. I now can eat broccoli, cauliflower. Thanks for making this."
Yes the raw cabbage and egg salad never tasted so good. It's great to be back fellas! I'M BACK!

"I use Beano daily as I eat many complex carbohydrates and a lot of soy. Beano is a lifesaver!"
I use to go to Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers but ever since I started taking Beano, the carbs aren't in me long enough to cling to my arse and thighs.

"My wife now can eat things she wasn't able before without any repercussions."
No longer does she live in ignominy of getting kicked out of bed nightly for spraying the bedroom.

"After 25 years, I finally found a product that helps with my gas!"
The dog thanks you as well. Being ashamed to take the heat for my little gas leaks, I have blamed Sparky for years!

"This product has dramatically improved my life."
Now, babies smile, women speak, and rooms don't clear when I enter.


"When I found Beano, it was the best day of my life. My gas problem completely disappeared. Thank you."
It was a dark and stormy night when I happened upon the Mexican Connection. The kitchen aroma lured me like the lights and noise of the Vegas casino lures many a degenerate gambler. Indeed, I told the waitress, I will have the Chicken Enchiladas with extra habanero peppers. She asked if I was sure, I nodded enthusiasitically. Little did I know at the time that Beano would need to save the day...AGAIN!  ¶ 1:18 PM