Mr. Friendly Says So
Thursday, November 20, 2008
  A fan letter

Dear Mr. Fulci,
Accept my apologies for missing your opus, Zombi 2, upon its theatrical release. In 1979, I was both car-free and yet too young to view the carnage (plus nekkid ladies) legally. Thirty years hence, I no longer have legitimate excuses (although two children under the age of seven) under my roof might qualify. I hope I don’t catch you too late to express my highest praise for you unparalleled work.

My favorite aspects of your film include:
1.) 3.5 seconds before a character in the movie gets the eponymous “shot in the head.”
2.) Your depiction of two of NYC finest investigating an abandoned boat in the harbor while steaming on their own tug which inexplicably flies a non-U.S. flag. Just for the hell of it, whose flag is it?
3.) The utter girth of our first full blown zombie. I, for one, grow weary of the usual anorexic type living dead. Your 500 lb. behemoth was a welcome change.
4.) Boat chick’s diving outfit or lack thereof. Why didn’t Jacqueline Bisset think of that?
5.) Zombie vs. Shark. Underwater! To a draw. Unbelievable. This scene alone puts you in the Orson Welles’ class of movie directing.
6.) Drunken Doctor’s wife shower scene. Ah Lucio, thank you for showing her goods before she gets the old “splinter to the eye” treatment.
7.) “Splinter to eye” treatment. Second only to my aforementioned “zombie vs. shark” fight scene in my top 10 favorite movie scenes.

8.) Drunken Doctor waking up…fully clothed…on the beach…on the zombie island. No where, and I mean this with affection, has so little logic been displayed on the big screen.
9.) Two African Americans in the movie set on a Caribbean Island only one of whom actually lives on the island. Well done.
10.)The NYC Medical Examiner taking time out of a busy zombie autopsy to give his student shit about a scalpel’s and the student’s sharpness . I must concur with the M.E. that if we don’t take care of the little things (instrument conditioning, homework); we won’t take care of the big things (avoidance of zombies).

In conclusion, I hope you are well and enjoying the fruits of your labors. I hope it’s not too late to laud you for your great work. I hope you don’t get anything caught in your eye.

Your newest fan,
Mr. Friendly

Voted Best Blog 2006 by the city of Cohoes, NY. Mr. Friendly humbly accepts this honor as he attempts to stamp out retardation in our lifetime.

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