Mr. Friendly Says So
Sunday, February 26, 2006
  Entertainment Book Restaurant Review
Mrs. Friendly and I have made a deal. Every week we will have dinner at some restaurant currently offering a discount in the Entertainment Book. You, the lucky reader, will benefit from this program when you find out if the restaurant is worth going to with/without the coupon.

Let's give a big Mr. Friendly welcome to our first contestant...The Grecian Gardens of Clifton Park. Mrs. Friendly and I got $25 discount for purchasing the entertainment book. Grecian sports a Greek diner type menu with some additions: pizza and greek dishes.

Ok, so the host sits us down. While waiting for the waitress we see the following: Busboy/waiter dumps dishes into one of those carts with the stackable bins. He does this so hard that dish debris goes flying all over the carpet. Busboy waiter pays no notice and runs off to his other duties. The host saw the incident and tells Busboy/waiter what happened. The following is a verbatim exchange:

Host: Hey Biff...Biff...uuuuuhhhh,Biff!
Host: Biff...Hey Biff...Biff, come here!
(pause, then the host runs off)
(Biff and the host return)
Host: See, you did that! I saw you man!
Biff:(pause) Did Not!
Host: You did man! I saw you!
Biff: I don't know! Are you sure, man?
Host: YES! I f..(he did not drop the f-bomb) saw you!
Me: You did it Biff!

The food could not live up to the floor show. Mrs. F. ordered Eggplant Parm. It rated an OK but the eggplant was a little mushy. I estimated that there was plenty of sauce and cheese but I guess, the real draw to eggplamt parm might be the eggplant. So, Mrs. Friendly gives it an "I wouldn't go out of my way" rating.

Your gracious blogger had a steak sammich. Let's just suppose you are going to make steak sammich at home. Suppose you had 4 Steak Ums in the freezer. When you made your sammich, would you stop at 2 Steak Ums? Would you try to save some cash or would you just say "aw, fug it?" The fugs at the Grecian Garden tried to save money. BOOOOO for them.

The bill was 30.07 before the discount. With the $25 discount, we ate for free basically. After tipping Biff's associate, we were stuck for about $11. Not bad considering we got dinner and theatre.

All in all. The Friendly's rate the Grecian Garden as "OK" with the discount. "Stay away" without the discount! If you do go, tell them you want to see the "Biff Show."

Next review: The Friendly's cause international incident at Koto's of Colonie.

Til then, may all your eggplant be firm and all your steak sandwiches have more than 2 pieces of Steak Ums.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
  Moustache Moronica
The Host Poker Tour returned to lovely and windy Malta New York for the RangerSmith Degenerate Invitational this past Saturday. Among the players were some seasoned tour veterans, some absentees for many months, and some new degenerates:
RangerSmith: our gracious and unmustached host for today's festivities. The Ranger thought he could hide from the other combatants, but we all saw through his Raymer-like glasses.

Mrs. Ranger: The lovely wife of the Ranger. She too has no moustache however, she admires them.

TheHost: Our first mustachioed combatant (part of a beard). Keeping his string alive, theHost is the Cal Ripken of the HPT. Ummmm, thus the name.

Let'sChat: Another player, another mustache, another beard. LetsChat entered the game apologizing for his better 2/3's (you know Tonya Harding) arse kicking play of late. Unfortunately, TH was working.

HighSchoolBully: HSB hails from the metropolis known as Liberty, NY. He was never much of a church goer until he got there. Now he prays everyday that his stay will not be long. Back to NO mustache.

MarkyMark: Mark sports one of those sweet mustaches that almost makes the full turn around his mouth. As of Saturday, his only makes one 90 degree turn on either side of his mouth. Man, now I know why the men are scared and the women are swooning.

FuManMike: I think you know where I am going with this. Mike is a mustache afficianado and his outdoes MarkyMark's by reaching his chin. Add to that the super soul patch and you are looking at one intimidating Buffalo boy. FuManMike also claims sibling rivalry with the Ranger.

Mr. Friendly: also known, of late, as fuggin dead money. No moustache. Mrs. Friendly would be very, very, angry.

I arrived late but my comrades did not get the chance to blind me off. Looking around the table, I noticed that some of the folks, virtually everyone but theHost and the Bully, looked like hell. FuManMike really was uncommunicative. His early cards did not help. He was on my left in the first game. LetsChat was on my right.

Conservation was lacking for a good reason. It seems I missed the early games on Friday night at chez MarkyMark. Money was unavailable so they played for vodka. and Rum...and Gin...and Oven Cleaner. Seems the Mustache Mark and Mike were playing for keeps, both in drinking and in facial hair.

Highlights from the first game:
1.) The HighSchoolBully gets his moniker when he gets me to drop my A9o on a flop of xA6. He shows a 6. I AM A PUSSY.
2.) MarkyMark loses the first battle of the mustaches by being the ignominious first to get kicked out of the game. On a total bluff. Strange tidings there.
3.) FuManMike knocks your hero out when I think my top pair is good enough for a push. I AM A PUSSY AND I SUCK.
4.) In the mustache death playoff, the FuManMike reigns victorious. Thus making it about 400 straight times that the new guy wins the tournament. Yeah, I know, FuMan has played before, but not with me, ipso facto, he is new.

By the end of the first game, I was already asking MarkyMark what the fug I was doing wrong. Man, I AM A PUSSY, I SUCK, AND I HAVE NO CLUE.

More battle of mustaches to follow...

By the way, I always try to fufill requests FuManMike.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
  The Execupundit Strikes Again!
Latest referral is a real head scratcher.

El Supremo Arsehole!

I thought I was the Pundit...

Oh well...

Does this guy's friends and family looked to him for punditry.

Does he charge by the hour or by the pithy quote?

Fuggin' Beardmo!

Consider yourself punditicized.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
  The FlyingDane aint so unique!
Read and weep.

PokerStars Tournament #19572054, No Limit Hold'em
Super Satellite
Buy-In: $3.00
508 players
Total Prize Pool: $5115.00
Target Tournament #19192019 Buy-In: $215.00
23 tickets to the target tournament

Tournament started - 2006/02/14 - 21:00:00 (ET)

Dear albHammer,

You finished the tournament in 1st place.
You qualified to play in Tournament #19192019 and are automatically
registered for it.
See Tournament #19192019 Lobby for further details.

If you choose to unregister from this tournament your account will be
with $215.00 Tournament dollars. Tournament dollars can be used to buy
any tournament.
Visit our web site at for
more details.

Thank you for participating.

Fearing the skills of the Sunday game and experiencing a low pokerstars bankroll, I opted for the Tourney dollars.
  Obviously, I missed it.
Ok, I was probably dozing but when the fug did it become ok to breastfeed in public?

Not that I have a problem with random public exposure of boobage.

It's just that you never see a Playmate wannabe exhibitting. Inevitably, it is some gal who has a bone to pick...and a really flat chest.

Or, she could simply be a social, how do I say this delicately?, retard.

Last night at dance class, not for me jagass but Friendly Jr., Psycho Breast Mom (PBM) unveiled her beauties in the common room.

I usually catch up on my sleep here, but tonight I spied on Friendly Jr. in the studio. I go back to the common room and see PBM giving her all to one of her PsychoKids (this is the PK who cries uncontrollably and often). I, being a man, look to see what the deal is (you know, size of orb and areola). I am confronted with the righteous rage of the freeroaming feminist.

I move on. Wondering...

Does she want me to look? I think she does. Otherwise, she would find a nice quiet place to feed PK1 (PK2 may alternatively be referred to as the "one who falls down when dancing"). She only hung out in the common room to talk to the oriental moms.
Those gals are TOO polite. They never say anything despite PBM's numerous rants.

By the by, do any psychologists know if there is a correlation/causation of public breastfeeding and excessive crying and/or falling down? Thanks in advance.

If she doesn't want me to look, what does she expect me to do? I mean, I am a MAN (all man ladies). Sorry PBM, it was a reflex. Had I thought, I would have thought better.

Maybe I can get the oriental moms to apologize for me.

Stay Tuned.
Monday, February 13, 2006
  What would you do?
Poker is a joke. What would you do with KK in the hole when you pop 4X the BB, you get raised and there is another caller? And YOU KNOW that one is holding Ahigh and the other is holding Ashit? Would it help that you are pot committed now? WOULD IT? Doesn't it make sense to push?

Two tournaments and the same scenario happens TWICE?

Both times, preflop best. Showdown worst.

Did I mention that my queens got cracked by some jackass calling 5 big bets with A9?

Aces win. No, that would make sense. Trip 9s.


Out of work for a while...check
Baby on the way...check
Stock market in the pooper...check
Poker gods taking me out back for a pounding...check and fugging mate.


I smell an H1B conspiracy.

Have a nice day at work.
I hope to watch Oprah. Only people more pathetic than me right now.
Friday, February 10, 2006
  Big work sign off
Last day of the current contract...

You'd think they throw me a party...

I think I will just waste time until 3:30 instead.

I am an IT contractor for a large outfit. The contracts generally run about 18 months. At the end, inevitably, someone forgets the renewals. So here I sit and wait for the glorious between contract vacation to begin.

It is alright though. 99% certain I will be back at it in short order.
If not, I am going to buy a pizza shop.
Change my name to Ravendra.
And wait for the cash to come pouring in...
Yeah...Ravendra's House of Pie has a ring to it.

Still here. You too. Want to play some Hold 'Em.

I command you to do some work.
  I am Donkey, hear my EEEEAAAAAWWW
Recap of the exciting action at MarkyMark's last night:

Two hands to talk about:
In the first game, after about 90 minutes of sparring, JonBoy needs to make a move. The blinds are 400/800 or something like that and he goes all in. I am in the SB and with a fleeting moment of clarity, I put him on a move. That means he probably has no pair but at least one paint. I look down at my K7o and after a few moments in the tank, I dive all in baby. By the look on Jon's face, I know I am ahead. He flips Q5o or something like that. I hold up. It was an exercise in futility though because I eventually bubbled out when I went all in with my 6s against LetsChat's mighty bullets. Our hero is down and out. BTW after the bubble, the game ended in about 5 minutes. SONOFAFUGGINBATCH!

In the second game at the second level, I get cowboys in EP. I raise it up 5x the BB. TanyaHarding, LetsChat's better 3/4's calls (huh?). I put her on a weak ace.
We go to the flop. Axx. I check and I am ready to fold (and I am already bent). She checks behind me (huh deux?). Turn is another A. This is where I get my panties in a bunch. I figure she does not have an A and I am good. What do you do when you think you are best? Why you push, of course. I do. She calls and flips her mighty A7o. I am toast. And I am burning like toast. She played me like a dope and I obliged. Congrats to TH. I will be waiting next time.

But for now, call me the Donkey.

Of course, before I go off into the night, I feel the burning desire to state my feelings on what I thought of her preflop play. Quite ungracious and I apologized there and here. I hate being a table captain more than I hate that play. I hope I did not offend too much.

Let the Thursday night crew be forewarned: Mr. Friendly is not so bent that he will stop attending. I feel I am in rut, but that has a way of changing in a grand fashion. Beware of rock like players hiding in the weeds.

Now, let's get down to some serious moronica.

I have some work related shat to share later.

I really hope it is funny.

Thursday, February 09, 2006
Do I have a problem if I run down to Charles Schwab to deposit my 50 cent check so I don't fall behind in my Self Employment Pension?

I didn't think so.
  People publicly pursuing purpose
If you are one of the two women who read this here blog. Move along. I am about to rip the boys a new one and it might be embarrassing...

Are they gone?


First you need to read today's entry of Joe's blog.
You can skim and get the idea.

I don't want to point in giggle. There are a couple of important object lessons here:
1.) Poker is a fuggin game. It is a fun game. It is a challenging game. It is a social game sometimes. But nonetheless, IT IS A GAME. Nerds play it. You play it too so, ipso facto, YOU ARE A NERD! (I took philosophy of logic in college)
It is neither a life or a reasonable facsimile. It is not a replacement for important things. Don't ever think it is. If you do, you run the risk of having your life bite you right on the johnson.

2.) Those of us with significant others in your life ARE FUGGIN LUCKY!
Consider this: if you were attracted to guys, would you be attracted to someone like you? For Cripessakes, look at you! You drink. You gamble. You are about as romantic as yesterday's laundry. Yeah, you're a real fuggin prize.
What do you think your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend (nod to any gay readers, sure, no problem) thinks of you?
The next time you go off on the "the raving bitch at home" keep Mr. Friendly's wise words in mind.

3.) Life is hard sometimes. I sympathize. Truly. We all do shit we are ashamed to admit. However, this here blog and others like it are probably NOT the best avenue to vent your spleen on IMPORTANT issues. That is why social workers and psychiatrists are needed so desperately. Two very good reasons not to vent here are: one, it is not as private as you think; two, you run an excellent chance of embarassing you, your kids, everyone that is important to you.

4.) A corollary to 3. When Joe is rolling, he is very funny. His blog displays a deep contempt for arseholes and I, for one, love him for it. However, if you can't entertain, man, it ain't worth blogging.

We now return to our normally scheduled moronica.

Carry on.

Women you may now return to blogging paradise.
The reason that Barbie and Ken split is because, wait for it,


Please note the new stylist for Ken.

Not that there is anything wrong with that but, come on, you gave up Barbie. That just screams "I swing the other way!"

More moronica later.
  Another bald Dane...

Phat Head aka the FlyingDane and his lovely wife Lou are proud parents. The Dane already has something in common with the newbie, that's right, no hair.

Good Luck and God Bless. See you when the kid goes to kindergarten.

I guess I owe everybody a recap of last week's action. Here goes.
1.) I SUCK!
2.) WallyBall RULES!

I like Heinekens, I like Labatts, I LOVE FREE BEER! Thank you Dane.

Tonight's meet and greet will be held at chez MarkyMark. Cards in the air by 6:30 pm. I will be at the Loser game by 7 pm.

See you there, it will be a fun half hour.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
  Pray for the Young
Good news folks! The magical mystery train carrying the Friendly family will soon have a new passenger...

In my joy, I must quote...
And may their first child be a masculine child. --Luca Brasi, The Godfather

Well Luca, you missed the boat the first time BUT,
You hit a fuggin four bagger the second time.

That's right, it's time to find the right little Friendly boy name. I only have 5 months.
How about...
Jake or Brandon: no soap opera names please!
Zachary, Jeremy, Joshua: no new fashion names at all. The special education classes of full of specially named individuals.
Matthew, Michael, or Joseph: What the fug is wrong with Matt, Mike, or Joe. Nothing. But today's moms think the full name adds dignity. That's beautiful. I just love the sound of "Matthew! Stop picking your nose! Matthew!"
or "Matthew, we need to use our indoor voice!" or "Matthew! Put down the gun! Matthew...Matthew! "
No way.
Sam: I like it but it is overdone.
Jethro: I am down, but Mrs. Friendly would never sign off.
Rufus, Leroy, Marcellus, Ving, BigBlackSnake: Now I am just messing around.
Ben, Ely: No quarterbacks, wait a minute...
Reginald Martinez Friendly: THIS IS A WINNER! I LOVE IT! He would come down to breakfast every morning to the chant of "Reggie, Reggie, Reggie!" That would be cool.
Scott, Andrew: hmmmmmm, not Andrew but Drew or Andy.
Sanjay: another nod to my H1B friends. I would sooner poke out my eyes.
Ralph: nope
Sean, Liam, Patrick: Mrs. Friendly told me the Irish names are verbotten. Oh well.
Anthony, Nicholas, Tony, Nick: Already got a couple of these in the family. Out.

You see where I am going? This name selection business is hard.

Suggestions will be read, then discarded.

Reggie is already growing on you. I have a sixth sense about these things.
  Miss me

Just a little shout out to my friends in Mumbai.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
  Ten Things You Need to Know About RangerSmith
1.) He is about 6 foot 8 inches.
2.) He tilts the scales at about 86 pounds.
3.) Surprisingly, Mrs. RangerSmith is attractive, intelligent, and emotionally stable. Go figure. Anothere mystery of the poker players' wives.
4.) Mr. Vegas made a mess in the ranger's house too. Go Vegas!
5.) RangerSmith has two residences. One in sunny Saratoga County where winter lasts a short 11 months (in only feels like 10). His "bunk house" is on Long Island. WooHoo.
6.) He has a baton, a gun, and a hat. I pray for the security of New York State.
7.) He is the New York State recordholder for pursuit and capture of illegally speeding snowmobiles.
8.) Once a MarkyMark, BigMan, and Lou coworker. Ahhh, thems were the days...
9.) Because he will chase any flush, we tend to fix the deck with 72s just for him. You have friends Ranger, you have friends.
10.) He is the host of a stop on the HPT on February 18. Starting at 1PM, he and his cronies will be unleashing their naked aggression on those fool enough to play with them.

There you have it RangerSmith. A post wrote up real nice.
  The Host is Back!
Okay, tonight the HPT continues with a trip to balmy Latham.

What? You don't know what the HPT is? Why son, that would be the Host Poker Tour.

I hear Shauna Hiatt will be there. Cleavage and all.

You too, can attend. Just drop a line to the Host and you can have the seat to my right.

$15 buy-in. $1 bounty.

For that crazy, crazy low price you get:
1.) a meatball sandwich.
2.) a beer courtesy of the flyingDane.
3.) a chance to showdown a Cooper bluff.
4.) to see Mr. Vegas make a mess.
5.) to meet the entire BMW family.

What else does theHost need to offer?

I command attendance!
I have a cubicle mate. He is a green card holder but, he's ok. Very. little. chatter.

One of the new H1B's, habeebs, pokes his head into the cubicle, and looks to see if my cubicle mate is in. He's out having a smoke or something.

Habeeb then turns to me and the hilarity ensues:
Habeeb: Is he in today?
Me: Yes.
Habeeb: What is his name?
Me: Well, we all call him Cruiser because he likes to cruise cars and chicks.

Habeeb takes off.

But he will be back and it will sound like this:
Habeeb: Are you Cruiser? Has anyone seen Cruiser? I am looking for the Cruiser!

I can't wait. It will be so fun.

Don't you wish you worked with me?
  I've got your goals right here!
I weigh myself after I get out of the shower today. I do this about once a week because more often would be
1.) an invitation for a bipolar disorder.
2.) a tad girlish.

So anyways, I lost another 3 pounds.

This can only mean one thing.

Time for a Bella Napoli donut! (That's right!)

Mmmmmmmm Bella Napoli...

You wish you were me. One more time for the cheap seats!

Mmmmmmmm Bella Napoli...

  In the short run, you are getting screwed.
Some stock earning news
Tesoro (TSO) reports their earnings. Estimates average $2 and the actual are $2.03 when you add back in all the paid up debt and writeoffs. BTW TSO is an oil refiner.
We are down around 4% in early trading.

New Century Financial (NEW)
Report on the upside by 10%. These guys buy/sell mortgages, some to the subprime. Dividend is affirmed at north of $7. It is up about 10% in early trading.

American Eagle (AEOS)
Retailer with 11% gain in January sales. Down 4% in early action.

Concord Camera (LENS)
Thinly traded disposable camera manufacturer. Recently flirting with a buck. Now priced north of $1.25. 25% gain on no news. Hmmmmm...

Morale: Trading stocks increases your level of difficulty in many ways. I think you do yourself a favor by holding on to a stock until:
1.) It reaches your price.
2.) It gets bought out.
3.) It goes bankrupt.

It is just too hard to try and read how market/stock sentiment affects these choices daily.

That was my one semi-serious comment for the week. On to the moronica...
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
  Commanding all readers!
I think one, or both of you, could take occasion to leave a comment.

Carry on.

I would like to post some funny stuff, but today isn't too funny.
Voted Best Blog 2006 by the city of Cohoes, NY. Mr. Friendly humbly accepts this honor as he attempts to stamp out retardation in our lifetime.

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