Thursday, February 23, 2006
Moustache Moronica
The Host Poker Tour returned to lovely and windy Malta New York for the RangerSmith Degenerate Invitational this past Saturday. Among the players were some seasoned tour veterans, some absentees for many months, and some new degenerates:
RangerSmith: our gracious and unmustached host for today's festivities. The Ranger thought he could hide from the other combatants, but we all saw through his Raymer-like glasses.
Mrs. Ranger: The lovely wife of the Ranger. She too has no moustache however, she admires them.
TheHost: Our first mustachioed combatant (part of a beard). Keeping his string alive, theHost is the Cal Ripken of the HPT. Ummmm, thus the name.
Let'sChat: Another player, another mustache, another beard. LetsChat entered the game apologizing for his better 2/3's (you know Tonya Harding) arse kicking play of late. Unfortunately, TH was working.
HighSchoolBully: HSB hails from the metropolis known as Liberty, NY. He was never much of a church goer until he got there. Now he prays everyday that his stay will not be long. Back to NO mustache.
MarkyMark: Mark sports one of those sweet mustaches that almost makes the full turn around his mouth. As of Saturday, his only makes one 90 degree turn on either side of his mouth. Man, now I know why the men are scared and the women are swooning.
FuManMike: I think you know where I am going with this. Mike is a mustache afficianado and his outdoes MarkyMark's by reaching his chin. Add to that the super soul patch and you are looking at one intimidating Buffalo boy. FuManMike also claims sibling rivalry with the Ranger.
Mr. Friendly: also known, of late, as fuggin dead money. No moustache. Mrs. Friendly would be very, very, angry.
I arrived late but my comrades did not get the chance to blind me off. Looking around the table, I noticed that some of the folks, virtually everyone but theHost and the Bully, looked like hell. FuManMike really was uncommunicative. His early cards did not help. He was on my left in the first game. LetsChat was on my right.
Conservation was lacking for a good reason. It seems I missed the early games on Friday night at chez MarkyMark. Money was unavailable so they played for vodka. and Rum...and Gin...and Oven Cleaner. Seems the Mustache Mark and Mike were playing for keeps, both in drinking and in facial hair.
Highlights from the first game:
1.) The HighSchoolBully gets his moniker when he gets me to drop my A9o on a flop of xA6. He shows a 6. I AM A PUSSY.
2.) MarkyMark loses the first battle of the mustaches by being the ignominious first to get kicked out of the game. On a total bluff. Strange tidings there.
3.) FuManMike knocks your hero out when I think my top pair is good enough for a push. I AM A PUSSY AND I SUCK.
4.) In the mustache death playoff, the FuManMike reigns victorious. Thus making it about 400 straight times that the new guy wins the tournament. Yeah, I know, FuMan has played before, but not with me, ipso facto, he is new.
By the end of the first game, I was already asking MarkyMark what the fug I was doing wrong. Man, I AM A PUSSY, I SUCK, AND I HAVE NO CLUE.
More battle of mustaches to follow...
By the way, I always try to fufill requests FuManMike. ¶ 7:54 PM
RangerSmith: our gracious and unmustached host for today's festivities. The Ranger thought he could hide from the other combatants, but we all saw through his Raymer-like glasses.
Mrs. Ranger: The lovely wife of the Ranger. She too has no moustache however, she admires them.
TheHost: Our first mustachioed combatant (part of a beard). Keeping his string alive, theHost is the Cal Ripken of the HPT. Ummmm, thus the name.
Let'sChat: Another player, another mustache, another beard. LetsChat entered the game apologizing for his better 2/3's (you know Tonya Harding) arse kicking play of late. Unfortunately, TH was working.
HighSchoolBully: HSB hails from the metropolis known as Liberty, NY. He was never much of a church goer until he got there. Now he prays everyday that his stay will not be long. Back to NO mustache.
MarkyMark: Mark sports one of those sweet mustaches that almost makes the full turn around his mouth. As of Saturday, his only makes one 90 degree turn on either side of his mouth. Man, now I know why the men are scared and the women are swooning.
FuManMike: I think you know where I am going with this. Mike is a mustache afficianado and his outdoes MarkyMark's by reaching his chin. Add to that the super soul patch and you are looking at one intimidating Buffalo boy. FuManMike also claims sibling rivalry with the Ranger.
Mr. Friendly: also known, of late, as fuggin dead money. No moustache. Mrs. Friendly would be very, very, angry.
I arrived late but my comrades did not get the chance to blind me off. Looking around the table, I noticed that some of the folks, virtually everyone but theHost and the Bully, looked like hell. FuManMike really was uncommunicative. His early cards did not help. He was on my left in the first game. LetsChat was on my right.
Conservation was lacking for a good reason. It seems I missed the early games on Friday night at chez MarkyMark. Money was unavailable so they played for vodka. and Rum...and Gin...and Oven Cleaner. Seems the Mustache Mark and Mike were playing for keeps, both in drinking and in facial hair.
Highlights from the first game:
1.) The HighSchoolBully gets his moniker when he gets me to drop my A9o on a flop of xA6. He shows a 6. I AM A PUSSY.
2.) MarkyMark loses the first battle of the mustaches by being the ignominious first to get kicked out of the game. On a total bluff. Strange tidings there.
3.) FuManMike knocks your hero out when I think my top pair is good enough for a push. I AM A PUSSY AND I SUCK.
4.) In the mustache death playoff, the FuManMike reigns victorious. Thus making it about 400 straight times that the new guy wins the tournament. Yeah, I know, FuMan has played before, but not with me, ipso facto, he is new.
By the end of the first game, I was already asking MarkyMark what the fug I was doing wrong. Man, I AM A PUSSY, I SUCK, AND I HAVE NO CLUE.
More battle of mustaches to follow...
By the way, I always try to fufill requests FuManMike. ¶ 7:54 PM
