Let's Review Back in January, I wrote a little tidbit about etiquette. Through observation, I learned that the message has not reached all of you. For the recalcitrant retards, I present the following in the hopes that they will wise up.

Cellphones in the men's room are a NO NO. They are distracting and not in compliance with the common, yet unwritten, code of etiquette.

Last week, I lined up next to some jagass on his cellphone. He cradled it with his chin and shoulder while he did his dirty work with both hands. As he went on about some technical mumbo-jumbo, I wondered if the person(s) he was speaking to knew where he was and what he was doing. For their sake, I considered flicking the phone off his shoulder into the urinary stew below. It took all my self control, but I did resist the urge.

Instead, I posted this really cool sign in the john.



Next up is the moron who goes to the office restroom, urinates, then gives a cursory hand wash. And by cursory, I mean a 1 second splash of water to the fingertips. Look, I know water is a great solvent BUT
1.) You need to get more than your fingertips on one hand wet.
2.) Soap increases the surface tension of the water, thus improving its ability to lift scum from your hands.
3.) Soap has antibacterial agents designed to KILL the coliform bacteria that is all over your hands after urination.
4.) Spare me your bullshat efforts to prove to me and the other restroom user that you are not a sewer rat. Those efforts, sir, are in vain.

Don't believe me about the bacteria, check this out.

So, to summarize: don't use your cellphone in the john; wash your fugging hands when you are done.

Goddam, I sound like my mother. Only she used to give me a kick in the arse when I acted like a fugging pig. Upon consultation with Mom, I am considering her method.

Either way, there will not be a third warning.  ¶ 7:49 AM