Mr. Friendly Says So
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I'm good for two posts a year. Here' s number three
I carry a man bag.
I don’t think that makes me sexually suspect, only emasculate. I take some small solace by telling myself I need something to carry my Jethro Bodine size lunch. Some days I feel better but not many. It is with envy I look at those company men that arrive at work with nothing more than a brown bag and a copy of the Post tucked under their arm.
However, I am not the worst case of office male feminization.
I just got off the elevator. The luggage per person ratio ticked at 3 to 1. Average size of attaché/man bag/suitcase with rollers: 1 cubic yard.
My question is: What the hell is everyone bringing to work? I have a few ideas:
1.) Homework: Man, if this is the case, the average office monkey is working way, way, way too hard, and by extension, not very smart.
2.) Lunch: Laugh if you want, but the denizens of my office are rated by the National Traffic Safety Board as “moving fire hazards.”
3.) Reading Material: It makes sense only if you attend our insufferably long and meaningless meetings.
4.) Status: Some days I think these jokers want to obstruct normal office foot traffic with their “carry ons” because they want the typical passer by to notice how important and essential they are to the operation. As evidence, I cite this preternaturally pretensious preening from a poseur: “You know, Samsonite is the new Rolex.” These dudes have nothing in their bags; they suffer from low self esteem and a need to be loved. I usually give them a hug before they get off the elevator.
Now that I have given some vent to my spleen, I was wondering if anyone wants to purchase my 10 year old Kenneth Cole. It is a little ragged but it needs a good home.
I’ll even clean the cookie crumbs out for you. ¶ 8:38 AM 1 comments
I don’t think that makes me sexually suspect, only emasculate. I take some small solace by telling myself I need something to carry my Jethro Bodine size lunch. Some days I feel better but not many. It is with envy I look at those company men that arrive at work with nothing more than a brown bag and a copy of the Post tucked under their arm.
However, I am not the worst case of office male feminization.
I just got off the elevator. The luggage per person ratio ticked at 3 to 1. Average size of attaché/man bag/suitcase with rollers: 1 cubic yard.
My question is: What the hell is everyone bringing to work? I have a few ideas:
1.) Homework: Man, if this is the case, the average office monkey is working way, way, way too hard, and by extension, not very smart.
2.) Lunch: Laugh if you want, but the denizens of my office are rated by the National Traffic Safety Board as “moving fire hazards.”
3.) Reading Material: It makes sense only if you attend our insufferably long and meaningless meetings.
4.) Status: Some days I think these jokers want to obstruct normal office foot traffic with their “carry ons” because they want the typical passer by to notice how important and essential they are to the operation. As evidence, I cite this preternaturally pretensious preening from a poseur: “You know, Samsonite is the new Rolex.” These dudes have nothing in their bags; they suffer from low self esteem and a need to be loved. I usually give them a hug before they get off the elevator.
Now that I have given some vent to my spleen, I was wondering if anyone wants to purchase my 10 year old Kenneth Cole. It is a little ragged but it needs a good home.
I’ll even clean the cookie crumbs out for you. ¶ 8:38 AM 1 comments
Monday, March 03, 2008
Caption Contest
My Favorites:
1.) Yes, I will accept the VP slot
2.) Shout Out to all my Peeps! What do you mean I fugged up my gang digits?!!!
3.) Bill and I got it on this many times.
4.) Constipated for years, Presidential Hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton asks to be excused from Texas campaign stop.
Laugh it up people. She might just be the best of the current crop.
Please feel free to shoot me your caption in the comments.
¶ 2:52 PM 2 comments
Friday, February 29, 2008
Getting Our Groove On!
It was a dark and stormy night…
Wait a fuggin minute! Let’s try that again.
It was a dark and freezing morning…
Still sucks. How’s this grab you?
Dear Mr. Friendly,
The world needs you back.
Signed,
Your two readers
Well, shat on a hockey stick, who am I to deny my two readers?
In the immortal words of Debbie Fields, “Let’s get fuggin’ started!”
I’m walking into work the other day. It’s late February and the sun is getting a little higher in the sky, so of course the Eyewitness Weather (that’s me witnessing the weather folks) says it’s three below zero. And that’s in the shade, without the wind. I pass by Charlie, my parking garage hobo. Mister Charlie is waiting for me. He wants to shout out some good news:
“Hey man, gimme a dollar.”
“What the fug for Charlie? You already owe me fiddy cent!”
Charlie is unfazed. “Whafo’ you be speakin’ to me like that fo’? Imma jus’ tryin to get by.”
I am not a man to be upbraided by bums: “Charlie, for cripessakes, all you do is hang out at the garage and put the arm on solid, hard working, get up at the crack of dawn jerks like me. Why don’t you park your smelly arse out in front of City Hall for a change?”
“City Hall. Dayuuuuum man. I can’t hang out there. Those folks are crazy.”
I mutter “they’re not alone,” then ask “Whatcha talkin’ about Willis, I mean, Charlie?”
“They fine me outside City Hall, Mayor Jerry go an’ ship my sorry arse down to the city mission. I can’t get my groove on at the mission. They don’t serve no raspberry schnapps down at the mission.”
“And this means what to me, Charlie?”
“Youse got to help a poor fool out. Contribute to the ‘Help a Bum Get Drunk’ Fund.”
New approach. I .like Charlie’s ingenuity. “Here’s your buck Charlie. Hope your day stays as well as it started. Now get the fug outta my face.”
Who am I to deny a man his groove? I can't do that to Charlie, to my faithless and bored and moved on audience, nor, dear reader, to myself. So yeah, let's get grooving Garage Panhandler Charlie style. You shake your booty and I'll shake my moneymaker too. Maybe we can have a little fun laughing at all the other arseholes God put on Earth. I hope you'll join me. Especially you ladies. Oh yeah, you lovely ladies.
By the way, Raspberry Schnapps does qualify you for a forearm shiver.
What? You were expecting a home run right out of the box? ¶ 2:27 PM 1 comments
Wait a fuggin minute! Let’s try that again.
It was a dark and freezing morning…
Still sucks. How’s this grab you?
Dear Mr. Friendly,
The world needs you back.
Signed,
Your two readers
Well, shat on a hockey stick, who am I to deny my two readers?
In the immortal words of Debbie Fields, “Let’s get fuggin’ started!”
I’m walking into work the other day. It’s late February and the sun is getting a little higher in the sky, so of course the Eyewitness Weather (that’s me witnessing the weather folks) says it’s three below zero. And that’s in the shade, without the wind. I pass by Charlie, my parking garage hobo. Mister Charlie is waiting for me. He wants to shout out some good news:
“Hey man, gimme a dollar.”
“What the fug for Charlie? You already owe me fiddy cent!”
Charlie is unfazed. “Whafo’ you be speakin’ to me like that fo’? Imma jus’ tryin to get by.”
I am not a man to be upbraided by bums: “Charlie, for cripessakes, all you do is hang out at the garage and put the arm on solid, hard working, get up at the crack of dawn jerks like me. Why don’t you park your smelly arse out in front of City Hall for a change?”
“City Hall. Dayuuuuum man. I can’t hang out there. Those folks are crazy.”
I mutter “they’re not alone,” then ask “Whatcha talkin’ about Willis, I mean, Charlie?”
“They fine me outside City Hall, Mayor Jerry go an’ ship my sorry arse down to the city mission. I can’t get my groove on at the mission. They don’t serve no raspberry schnapps down at the mission.”
“And this means what to me, Charlie?”
“Youse got to help a poor fool out. Contribute to the ‘Help a Bum Get Drunk’ Fund.”
New approach. I .like Charlie’s ingenuity. “Here’s your buck Charlie. Hope your day stays as well as it started. Now get the fug outta my face.”
Who am I to deny a man his groove? I can't do that to Charlie, to my faithless and bored and moved on audience, nor, dear reader, to myself. So yeah, let's get grooving Garage Panhandler Charlie style. You shake your booty and I'll shake my moneymaker too. Maybe we can have a little fun laughing at all the other arseholes God put on Earth. I hope you'll join me. Especially you ladies. Oh yeah, you lovely ladies.
By the way, Raspberry Schnapps does qualify you for a forearm shiver.
What? You were expecting a home run right out of the box? ¶ 2:27 PM 1 comments
Thursday, February 28, 2008
And then...
depression set in.
This spells comedy for you.
Stay fuggin't tuned.
Fugger. ¶ 3:21 PM 0 comments
This spells comedy for you.
Stay fuggin't tuned.
Fugger. ¶ 3:21 PM 0 comments
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Everybody Sing!
Hat tips to Melissa Manchester and The Smoking Gun
And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three...
Baby cried the day
the circus came to town
'cause she didn't want
parades just passin' by her
So she painted on
a smile and took up with some clown
While she danced without a net upon the wire
I know a lot about 'er 'cause, you see
Baby is an awful lot like me
Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside,
learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall,
remember you almost had it all
Big Finale !!!!!
Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud and if you should fall,
remember you almost had it all
And yes, these last two mugshots are of the same lady on two separate occasions four days apart.
I think I need a tissue. ¶ 2:29 PM 6 comments
And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three...
Baby cried the daythe circus came to town
'cause she didn't want
parades just passin' by her
So she painted on
a smile and took up with some clownWhile she danced without a net upon the wire
I know a lot about 'er 'cause, you see
Baby is an awful lot like me
Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside,
learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall,
remember you almost had it all
Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down
They left behind her dreams among the litter
The different kind of love she thought she'd found
There was nothin' left but sawdust and some glitter
But baby can't be broken 'cause you see
She had the finest teacher-that was me-I told 'er
Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside
and learn how to
hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall,
remember you almost had it all
Big Finale !!!!! Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud and if you should fall,
remember you almost had it all
And yes, these last two mugshots are of the same lady on two separate occasions four days apart.
I think I need a tissue. ¶ 2:29 PM 6 comments
Friday, February 16, 2007
The Two Cohoes
There are apparently two Cohoes. The folksy down-home type that I guess Mayor John McDonald would like me to remember fondly.
Then there is this.
GUESS which Cohoes I remember?
T'aint hard. I don't live there anymore.
By the by, it's nice to be back. ¶ 11:00 PM 1 comments
Then there is this.
GUESS which Cohoes I remember?
T'aint hard. I don't live there anymore.
By the by, it's nice to be back. ¶ 11:00 PM 1 comments
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Roundup
Yeah, I am a bad Catholic. Maybe one of my Krazy Katholic readers can clue me in on the origin of the Solemn Mass' proclamation on Christmas:
In the five thousand one hundred and ninety-ninth year of the creation of the world from the time when God in the beginning created the heavens and the earth;
the two thousand nine hundred and fifty-seventh year after the flood;
the two thousand and fifteenth year from the birth of Abraham;
the one thousand five hundred and tenth year from Moses and the going forth of the people of Israel from Egypt;
the one thousand and thirty-second year from David's being anointed king;
in the sixty-fifth week according to the prophecy of Daniel;
in the one hundred and ninety-fourth Olympiad;
the seven hundred and fifty-second year from the foundation of the city of Rome;
the forty second year of the reign of Octavian Augustus;
the whole world being at peace,
in the sixth age of the world,
Jesus Christ the eternal God and Son of the eternal Father, desiring to sanctify the world by his most merciful coming, being conceived by the Holy Spirit, and nine months having passed since his conception, was born in Bethlehem of Judea of the Virgin Mary, being made flesh.
Even if I don't get an answer, it was still pretty cool. Proclamations are cool! Well, as long as you got something to say. I will not sully the post with "not so cool" proclamations.
Funny thing is I don't remember ever hearing this before. Then in one night, I get it recited, chanted, written. I am feeling good about my proud Church today.
**************************************
My church was packed. It is not a megachurch by any means. It is a small, 200+ year old church in Albany. Check out the website. They crammed in over 1200 people there for the 4:00 vigil on Sunday. Who cares if the congregation was supplemented by the C & E's? At least they participated in a pretty good service.
**************************************
Like Ralphie, my kids got nearly everything they wanted for Christmas. All gripes may be forwarded to the complaint department. That would be the full set of grandparents. With full wallets, of course. All more than happy to, uhm, take care of bidness.
**************************************
I can only con Mrs. F. into having a country ham once a year or so. Christmas was my day. Ooh-la-la Mama Friendly made one the night before. Delectable. Yours truly fired his up on the big day. Can you have too much of a good thing? I don't know. Ask Porky Pig if there is a downside to too much ham.
**************************************
I gotta slip it in because it is wrong. The link refers to a clinical description more popularly known "Partial Birth Abortion." If Catholic employers need to fund contraception and what not, Planned Parenthood and its supporters should be required to view the procedure, in all its glory, every day.
**************************************
Going to be making some changes here. Check out the Albany links. We have some additions.
Upstream is THE Mohawk Valley blog. Dan Weaver shames most others with his writing. Mr. F. says check it out.
Off the Top of My Head is Chris Rooney's blog. The one remaining Niskayuna reader is commanded to read it.
The Judge Report is Amsterdamer(Amsterdamian) Robert Going's blog. I read December and I liked. Seems like a good man. Let him know if you agree.
**************************************
Seriously need to get around to adding some religiousy type stuff. I'll get there...
My problem with some of the Katlick type blogs is the "Top That" type of faith. I really don't care if you know all the holy days of obligation or if you know the difference between the Nicene and Apostolic Creed or how much you just looooooove the "Old Mass." Those issues pale in import to faith, hope, and love. And the God, the Word, and the Spirit that make them all possible.
Don't forget Mary too. Without her and her exercise of free will, we would all be up a creek without a paddle.
***************************************
Hope you had a Merry Christmas. ¶ 1:32 PM 4 comments
In the five thousand one hundred and ninety-ninth year of the creation of the world from the time when God in the beginning created the heavens and the earth;
the two thousand nine hundred and fifty-seventh year after the flood;
the two thousand and fifteenth year from the birth of Abraham;
the one thousand five hundred and tenth year from Moses and the going forth of the people of Israel from Egypt;
the one thousand and thirty-second year from David's being anointed king;
in the sixty-fifth week according to the prophecy of Daniel;
in the one hundred and ninety-fourth Olympiad;
the seven hundred and fifty-second year from the foundation of the city of Rome;
the forty second year of the reign of Octavian Augustus;
the whole world being at peace,
in the sixth age of the world,
Jesus Christ the eternal God and Son of the eternal Father, desiring to sanctify the world by his most merciful coming, being conceived by the Holy Spirit, and nine months having passed since his conception, was born in Bethlehem of Judea of the Virgin Mary, being made flesh.
Even if I don't get an answer, it was still pretty cool. Proclamations are cool! Well, as long as you got something to say. I will not sully the post with "not so cool" proclamations.
Funny thing is I don't remember ever hearing this before. Then in one night, I get it recited, chanted, written. I am feeling good about my proud Church today.
**************************************
My church was packed. It is not a megachurch by any means. It is a small, 200+ year old church in Albany. Check out the website. They crammed in over 1200 people there for the 4:00 vigil on Sunday. Who cares if the congregation was supplemented by the C & E's? At least they participated in a pretty good service.
**************************************
Like Ralphie, my kids got nearly everything they wanted for Christmas. All gripes may be forwarded to the complaint department. That would be the full set of grandparents. With full wallets, of course. All more than happy to, uhm, take care of bidness.
**************************************
I can only con Mrs. F. into having a country ham once a year or so. Christmas was my day. Ooh-la-la Mama Friendly made one the night before. Delectable. Yours truly fired his up on the big day. Can you have too much of a good thing? I don't know. Ask Porky Pig if there is a downside to too much ham.
**************************************
I gotta slip it in because it is wrong. The link refers to a clinical description more popularly known "Partial Birth Abortion." If Catholic employers need to fund contraception and what not, Planned Parenthood and its supporters should be required to view the procedure, in all its glory, every day.
**************************************
Going to be making some changes here. Check out the Albany links. We have some additions.
Upstream is THE Mohawk Valley blog. Dan Weaver shames most others with his writing. Mr. F. says check it out.
Off the Top of My Head is Chris Rooney's blog. The one remaining Niskayuna reader is commanded to read it.
The Judge Report is Amsterdamer(Amsterdamian) Robert Going's blog. I read December and I liked. Seems like a good man. Let him know if you agree.
**************************************
Seriously need to get around to adding some religiousy type stuff. I'll get there...
My problem with some of the Katlick type blogs is the "Top That" type of faith. I really don't care if you know all the holy days of obligation or if you know the difference between the Nicene and Apostolic Creed or how much you just looooooove the "Old Mass." Those issues pale in import to faith, hope, and love. And the God, the Word, and the Spirit that make them all possible.
Don't forget Mary too. Without her and her exercise of free will, we would all be up a creek without a paddle.
***************************************
Hope you had a Merry Christmas. ¶ 1:32 PM 4 comments
