Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Back by popular demand
Restaurant Reviews...
Alright, Mrs. and I have recently have travelled to:
Plum Blossom (Troy)
Mexican Connection (Saratoga)
Firkin and Fox (Colonie)
Last Friday, we dumped Junior at the Grandparents (thanks, folks!) and made our way up Hoosick St. to visit our friends at the Plum Blossom. While there, we were re-re-re-re-intoroduced to the Troy Hard Ons. You don't know the Troy Hard Ons? They are the kind folks who live by the following rules:
1.) Baseball caps were meant to be worn sideways.
2.) Merge left means start from the far right lane and end at the extreme left lane irrespective of how many lanes there are in between. In tonight's case, there were three middle lanes.
3.) Display your savvy restaurant know how. Upon entering the eatery, don't wait for the host or the people ahead of you, just sit yourself down and demand service.
Helpful Tips for Trojan Hardoness:
1.) Weigh about 3 times AMA recommended weight for your age/height.
2.) Wear a baseball cap and never, ever take it off.
3.) Dye what remains of your hair orange.
4.) It also helps tremendously if you criticize other drivers, diners, restaurant staff, and other people within earshot audibly...and with lots of perjorative terms (arsehole seems to be a favorite)
Despite the inconveniences of writing notes on my former neighbors (one year sentence in Troy), the Mrs. and I had a nice meal. I recommend any Lo Mein, Kung Pao Chicken, Sesame Chicken, General Tso Chicken (hey, I like chicken), and Shrimp with Lobster Sauce (sigh, that is from the Mrs.)
Be prepared to wait though. For a Chinese restaurant, these guys are not too concerned about throwing your arse back out on the street. So just sit back and relax, you hard on, and wait for the food to arrive.
A couple of weeks ago, Mrs. conned her parents into watching Junior. We had our Entertainment Book in hand and made a dash to the Mexican Connection in Saratoga. This place is a favorite for their very, very, special guacomole. I don't care how you feel about avocados, you have to try the stuff out. So have yourself a Tecate, get some chips and check out the menu. Hopefully, but unlikely, you will not be seated next to some retard.
You see, popular conceptions aside, Saratoga is chuck full of idiots, retards, and plain ol' jackasses. You know what they say when you go up there during track season: "Oh, I can't wait for track season to be over. Then this will turn back into a sleepy little college town." Let me tell you something. I wish track season was 13 months long. Then I wouldn't be subjected to:
1.) Lesbian/Homo Narcissus-a-thon
2.) Spendaholic families with uncontrollably spasmodic kids.
3.) SteveMos
Let me tell you about number one. You may not know this group by this name, but I know you have bumped into them during one of their conversations. Humming a few bars:
L: Thank you for coming tonight Chad.
Random Homosexual named Chad: That's ok L. Thank you for asking me. I have been sooooo busy lately that I haven't made had anytime for myself or my friends. LOL! Oh, so anyways, my work sucks as usual. I think my boss is a homophobe. She told me to stop gabbing and do some work yesterday. So I called in a complaint to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commisssion. I told them she made a pass at me. That'll fix the biatch. So anyways, work sucks and I spoke to my mother yesterday...ooooohhhhh poor me! She told me I should just find a nice girl and settle down. she still hasn't figured out that i am a "friend of dorothy." poorwoman. shenevergetsits. wellatleastsheisbetterthanmyfather. hehasbeencallingmesissyfor25years...
ten minutes later
Chad takes a breath.
So, anyways, Mrs and I did not let this bother us. Well, me, I had another beer.
To families that think bringing your little barbarians is cool because the whole world thinks they are OH SO CUTE:
WE DON'T THINK THEY ARE CUTE. WE THINK THEY AND YOU SHOULD DIE!
Look people, I bring Jr. to restaurants. I have also escorted out to the car when she could not control herself. Sometimes, if we know she is tired/cranky/bratty, we don't bring her at all! Whoda thunk it?! I humbly suggest you do the same.
Let me illustrate a few how-tos:
1.) If your kid speaks above a conversational tone, you don't want to wait for someone at the next table to threaten his life. Step up and threaten your kid's life yourself.
2.) When your kid goes under the table to play for the fifth time, don't wait for the waitress to tell you that "Darling" is creating a disturbance. Tell Darling to get in his seat before you are forced to leave the restaurant, go home, throw his nintendo/tv/stereo/gameboy/computer/ipod under your car, drive over said item 10 times, come back to restaurant, finish your meal in peace.
3.) If the kid doesn't act up for 20 consecutive seconds, throw her a compliment. Thank you honey. You are such a lovely lady.
If you can dodge the self-lovefest and "lord of the flies" family, you are doing all right. However, I have never had one fugging meal within 10 miles of Saratoga without bumping into the dreaded SteveMo. Don't know what a SteveMo is? Here are some tips:
1.) He has a beard.
2.) Lives in the country but he is oh so suave and sophisticated. Yeah, I don't know how the beard fits in with all that either.
3.) His opinion of himself is Expert=everything. His opinion of you is Moron=Everything. His opinion of your relationship: He=Teacher, You=Student
4.) Thinks that Margaritas and Chimichangas are authentic Mexican cuisine. I am no anthropologist, but I am betting that both items WERE NOT created by Mexicans but rather, by American tourists in Tijuana.
5.) Does not realize that his long list of likes/dislikes, things he has an opinion on, things he knows everything about, things he likes to pontificate on, makes him an insufferable JAGASS.
6.) The cherry on top is the long suffering wife who, at least, pretends to think the sun and moon revolve around the Stevemo.
With all that said, if you are down with AUTHENTIC guacamole, chimichangas, and enchiladas, then this is the place for you. Get this, they did not mark our card sooooo, we can go back and get the discount again. I love, love, love the fine folks at the Mexican Connection. Tip them well.
Finally, we went to Firkin and Fox with the Entertainment Book. My opinion of the place while eating: THIS PLACE IS GREAT!
My opinion two days later: See Vomitosis post from a couple weeks ago.
So anyways, your humble correspondant leaves it to you to form your own freaking opinion. I hope this little guide helps. Remember, avoid at all costs:
1.) Troy Hard Ons
2.) The Barbarian Family
3.) People who can't stop talking about themselves.
4.) SteveMos.
Once you have that managed, you just might reach your "inner peace" personal goal.
Until next time. ¶ 7:26 AM
Alright, Mrs. and I have recently have travelled to:
Plum Blossom (Troy)
Mexican Connection (Saratoga)
Firkin and Fox (Colonie)
Last Friday, we dumped Junior at the Grandparents (thanks, folks!) and made our way up Hoosick St. to visit our friends at the Plum Blossom. While there, we were re-re-re-re-intoroduced to the Troy Hard Ons. You don't know the Troy Hard Ons? They are the kind folks who live by the following rules:
1.) Baseball caps were meant to be worn sideways.
2.) Merge left means start from the far right lane and end at the extreme left lane irrespective of how many lanes there are in between. In tonight's case, there were three middle lanes.
3.) Display your savvy restaurant know how. Upon entering the eatery, don't wait for the host or the people ahead of you, just sit yourself down and demand service.
Helpful Tips for Trojan Hardoness:
1.) Weigh about 3 times AMA recommended weight for your age/height.
2.) Wear a baseball cap and never, ever take it off.
3.) Dye what remains of your hair orange.
4.) It also helps tremendously if you criticize other drivers, diners, restaurant staff, and other people within earshot audibly...and with lots of perjorative terms (arsehole seems to be a favorite)
Despite the inconveniences of writing notes on my former neighbors (one year sentence in Troy), the Mrs. and I had a nice meal. I recommend any Lo Mein, Kung Pao Chicken, Sesame Chicken, General Tso Chicken (hey, I like chicken), and Shrimp with Lobster Sauce (sigh, that is from the Mrs.)
Be prepared to wait though. For a Chinese restaurant, these guys are not too concerned about throwing your arse back out on the street. So just sit back and relax, you hard on, and wait for the food to arrive.
A couple of weeks ago, Mrs. conned her parents into watching Junior. We had our Entertainment Book in hand and made a dash to the Mexican Connection in Saratoga. This place is a favorite for their very, very, special guacomole. I don't care how you feel about avocados, you have to try the stuff out. So have yourself a Tecate, get some chips and check out the menu. Hopefully, but unlikely, you will not be seated next to some retard.
You see, popular conceptions aside, Saratoga is chuck full of idiots, retards, and plain ol' jackasses. You know what they say when you go up there during track season: "Oh, I can't wait for track season to be over. Then this will turn back into a sleepy little college town." Let me tell you something. I wish track season was 13 months long. Then I wouldn't be subjected to:
1.) Lesbian/Homo Narcissus-a-thon
2.) Spendaholic families with uncontrollably spasmodic kids.
3.) SteveMos
Let me tell you about number one. You may not know this group by this name, but I know you have bumped into them during one of their conversations. Humming a few bars:
L: Thank you for coming tonight Chad.
Random Homosexual named Chad: That's ok L. Thank you for asking me. I have been sooooo busy lately that I haven't made had anytime for myself or my friends. LOL! Oh, so anyways, my work sucks as usual. I think my boss is a homophobe. She told me to stop gabbing and do some work yesterday. So I called in a complaint to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commisssion. I told them she made a pass at me. That'll fix the biatch. So anyways, work sucks and I spoke to my mother yesterday...ooooohhhhh poor me! She told me I should just find a nice girl and settle down. she still hasn't figured out that i am a "friend of dorothy." poorwoman. shenevergetsits. wellatleastsheisbetterthanmyfather. hehasbeencallingmesissyfor25years...
ten minutes later
Chad takes a breath.
So, anyways, Mrs and I did not let this bother us. Well, me, I had another beer.
To families that think bringing your little barbarians is cool because the whole world thinks they are OH SO CUTE:
WE DON'T THINK THEY ARE CUTE. WE THINK THEY AND YOU SHOULD DIE!
Look people, I bring Jr. to restaurants. I have also escorted out to the car when she could not control herself. Sometimes, if we know she is tired/cranky/bratty, we don't bring her at all! Whoda thunk it?! I humbly suggest you do the same.
Let me illustrate a few how-tos:
1.) If your kid speaks above a conversational tone, you don't want to wait for someone at the next table to threaten his life. Step up and threaten your kid's life yourself.
2.) When your kid goes under the table to play for the fifth time, don't wait for the waitress to tell you that "Darling" is creating a disturbance. Tell Darling to get in his seat before you are forced to leave the restaurant, go home, throw his nintendo/tv/stereo/gameboy/computer/ipod under your car, drive over said item 10 times, come back to restaurant, finish your meal in peace.
3.) If the kid doesn't act up for 20 consecutive seconds, throw her a compliment. Thank you honey. You are such a lovely lady.
If you can dodge the self-lovefest and "lord of the flies" family, you are doing all right. However, I have never had one fugging meal within 10 miles of Saratoga without bumping into the dreaded SteveMo. Don't know what a SteveMo is? Here are some tips:
1.) He has a beard.
2.) Lives in the country but he is oh so suave and sophisticated. Yeah, I don't know how the beard fits in with all that either.
3.) His opinion of himself is Expert=everything. His opinion of you is Moron=Everything. His opinion of your relationship: He=Teacher, You=Student
4.) Thinks that Margaritas and Chimichangas are authentic Mexican cuisine. I am no anthropologist, but I am betting that both items WERE NOT created by Mexicans but rather, by American tourists in Tijuana.
5.) Does not realize that his long list of likes/dislikes, things he has an opinion on, things he knows everything about, things he likes to pontificate on, makes him an insufferable JAGASS.
6.) The cherry on top is the long suffering wife who, at least, pretends to think the sun and moon revolve around the Stevemo.
With all that said, if you are down with AUTHENTIC guacamole, chimichangas, and enchiladas, then this is the place for you. Get this, they did not mark our card sooooo, we can go back and get the discount again. I love, love, love the fine folks at the Mexican Connection. Tip them well.
Finally, we went to Firkin and Fox with the Entertainment Book. My opinion of the place while eating: THIS PLACE IS GREAT!
My opinion two days later: See Vomitosis post from a couple weeks ago.
So anyways, your humble correspondant leaves it to you to form your own freaking opinion. I hope this little guide helps. Remember, avoid at all costs:
1.) Troy Hard Ons
2.) The Barbarian Family
3.) People who can't stop talking about themselves.
4.) SteveMos.
Once you have that managed, you just might reach your "inner peace" personal goal.
Until next time. ¶ 7:26 AM
