Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Vomitosis
I. AM. OLD.
There was a point in my life when rancid beef would not affect me. Those days, I am afraid, are in the past. This makes me sad because now my 12 year streak of "not puking" may be on the line and also, in terms of meat consumption, I am a mere mortal.
I went to work yesterday without a care in the world. Well, okay, I had one care. A habib scheduled me for a lunch meeting. Fuggin' habibs! I don't want to meet at 12:00. I want to take a walk. I know your arse is nailed to the chair but that doesn't mean you have claims on my "Me" time.
But I digress. Anyways, she rescheduled the meeting for lunch time later in the week. You might be wondering "Mr. Friendly, how many times has the habib gal rescheduled that particular meeting?" The answer to the question is six. Of course, she only began scheduling it last Friday afternoon, so, I am expecting another four or five reschedules before I go to UN meeting...
What the heck were we talking about?
Oh yeah, so anyways, around lunchtime I go for my walk. As I tool around the river, hey man, that's how the cool kids roll, I can feel, in the pit of my stomach, that feeling. The one where you know there is something in there AND IT MUST COME OUT!
Can I evacuate? Not yet.
Can I puke? Not happening.
I am sure I am not the only who thought of this but I would like to hear any comments. Suppose you know you are going to blow chunks however, you are in a public place. What do you do?
1.) Find a garbage can and unload.
2.) Run to a restroom and unload.
3.) Unload and store in your mouth.
4.) Unload unabashedly.
So, anyways, I feel like garbage all afternoon. I make it home and wifey sends me upstairs without dinner. Thank you honey! Couple hours later, I get up. I suffer from chills, nausea, achiness (??). You know, like theHost after a Heineken. Junior is kind to me and we watch cartoons. At 9:30, I am out. From noon until bedtime, I did not:
1.) Eat
2.) Puke
3.) Poop
4.) Smile
Comes 2:15 this AM, revellie. I don't know why I woke up but I did. Usually, if I wake up after about 5-6 hours of sleep, I will not return to happy dreamland. So I hunker down with my best friend...TV. After an hour or so of "Emmanuelle in Space" (check it out not quite as good as Emmanuelle in Hong Kong but light years ahead of Emmanuelle in Rio), I feel like I could use a little more sleep. First, though, I need some food. Go figure.
A peanut butter sandwich and iced tea later, I am laying in bed contemplating my condition. Feel like crap yes, but no pukey. Ah, my twelve year streak continues.
Is this how Joe DiMaggio felt? ¶ 7:13 AM
There was a point in my life when rancid beef would not affect me. Those days, I am afraid, are in the past. This makes me sad because now my 12 year streak of "not puking" may be on the line and also, in terms of meat consumption, I am a mere mortal.
I went to work yesterday without a care in the world. Well, okay, I had one care. A habib scheduled me for a lunch meeting. Fuggin' habibs! I don't want to meet at 12:00. I want to take a walk. I know your arse is nailed to the chair but that doesn't mean you have claims on my "Me" time.
But I digress. Anyways, she rescheduled the meeting for lunch time later in the week. You might be wondering "Mr. Friendly, how many times has the habib gal rescheduled that particular meeting?" The answer to the question is six. Of course, she only began scheduling it last Friday afternoon, so, I am expecting another four or five reschedules before I go to UN meeting...
What the heck were we talking about?
Oh yeah, so anyways, around lunchtime I go for my walk. As I tool around the river, hey man, that's how the cool kids roll, I can feel, in the pit of my stomach, that feeling. The one where you know there is something in there AND IT MUST COME OUT!
Can I evacuate? Not yet.
Can I puke? Not happening.
I am sure I am not the only who thought of this but I would like to hear any comments. Suppose you know you are going to blow chunks however, you are in a public place. What do you do?
1.) Find a garbage can and unload.
2.) Run to a restroom and unload.
3.) Unload and store in your mouth.
4.) Unload unabashedly.
So, anyways, I feel like garbage all afternoon. I make it home and wifey sends me upstairs without dinner. Thank you honey! Couple hours later, I get up. I suffer from chills, nausea, achiness (??). You know, like theHost after a Heineken. Junior is kind to me and we watch cartoons. At 9:30, I am out. From noon until bedtime, I did not:
1.) Eat
2.) Puke
3.) Poop
4.) Smile
Comes 2:15 this AM, revellie. I don't know why I woke up but I did. Usually, if I wake up after about 5-6 hours of sleep, I will not return to happy dreamland. So I hunker down with my best friend...TV. After an hour or so of "Emmanuelle in Space" (check it out not quite as good as Emmanuelle in Hong Kong but light years ahead of Emmanuelle in Rio), I feel like I could use a little more sleep. First, though, I need some food. Go figure.
A peanut butter sandwich and iced tea later, I am laying in bed contemplating my condition. Feel like crap yes, but no pukey. Ah, my twelve year streak continues.
Is this how Joe DiMaggio felt? ¶ 7:13 AM
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