Monday, September 11, 2006
Let September 11th be remembered as...
Freaky Fundamentalist IslamoFascist Day!
On today's special edition of "Call Mr. Friendly!," the staff at Mr. Friendly's Fellowship of Jesus' Freaks is making way for the Iman Eddie, leader of the First "Cut Your Throat" Mosque for Peace. The Iman is on the Air:
IE: Good Morning to the believers! And Happy "one more day closer to damnation" for all you infidels out there. Who is first to speak the truth?
Achnad: Hello, my name is Achnad. My son wears a western style tee shirt which says "People Suck" on it in rather large letters. Should I be worried?
IE: Achnad, have no fear. The fruit of your loins is merely giving vent to his feelings of alienation and burgeoning individualism. It might be wise, though in the eyes of Allah, to change the message to "Infidels Suck." You can get one on my website www.imaneddie.com. No cash refunds only credit. Next caller please.
Amatullah: Greetings to you Iman. I am a lowly female servant of Allah. My name is Amatullah! My question is I think my neighbor's wife is a whore, what is the best way to have her stoned?
IE: Make sure you have your husband denounce her at tonight's prayer service. Given the state of your iman's temper, she might be chastised before 8 PM. Next believer please?
Butch: Hello, my name is Butch and I just wanted to tell you that my boyfriend Serge and I think that what you are saying is terrible. We think you should be less judgemental of others and more understanding. My friends and I would love to explain our point of view to you. Do you plan on opening a mosque in the meat packing district?
IE: Infidel Fornicator of Dogs! May you and your illicit lover be damned from Allah's eyes forever. I hope to see you burning in ashes of your family, friends, and loved ones. You are an abomination I wish to blot from the earth!
Butch: Geeezuss, I was only asking a question...
IE: Next caller please
Keshi: Hello, this is Keshi. I believe the world would be a much better place if we could all find a small portion of the planet to call our "personal peace preserve." What do you think?
IE: I think you need to don a burka, find a husband, help him find paradise (complete with 72 virgins), and take solace in the fact that salvation is a man's occupation. Next caller please!
Tony: Hi this Tony from Jersey! Iman Eddie, where's your mosque? Some friends of mine and I wish to partake of services and perhaps interface with you as soon as possible.
IE: Currently I have no permanent mosque. I have been moving services from location to location all over the tri state area. Perhaps we could hold services near you?
Tony: Oh yeah, that would be great! Maybe you should come and peruse our social club ALONE before you hold services there. I, and my friends, could meet you. Our club is called "The Sons of Italy, Newark Chapter." Can you come tonight?
IE: Praise Allah, if it is his will, I will be there at 8 PM.
Tony: Fantastic. Don't forget to come alone.
IE: Who wishes to praise Allah next?
Lou: Hey yeah, this is Lou...your landlord.
IE: How may Allah, through me, help you?
Lou: Yeah, you been dodging me for weeks, where's my rent?
IE: The will of Allah is like the zephyr, in it you will find the whirlwind and your money.
Lou: Huh?
IE: Your time will come when Allah knows you see the light.
Lou: Well, it's unlikely that Allah and I are going to see the things eye to eye. You see, I need your rent to contribute to my temple.
IE: You are a Jew?
Lou: Ummm, yeah.
IE: Damnable piece of human debris. You will get your money...NEVER! Do not speak to me again as I was pure in the eyes of Allah, now I am defiled by having listened to ramblings of Jew....(ah you get the picture)
See you next time on Freaky Fundamentalism with Mr. Friendly. And don'tforget what happened five years ago today. ¶ 7:26 AM
On today's special edition of "Call Mr. Friendly!," the staff at Mr. Friendly's Fellowship of Jesus' Freaks is making way for the Iman Eddie, leader of the First "Cut Your Throat" Mosque for Peace. The Iman is on the Air:
IE: Good Morning to the believers! And Happy "one more day closer to damnation" for all you infidels out there. Who is first to speak the truth?
Achnad: Hello, my name is Achnad. My son wears a western style tee shirt which says "People Suck" on it in rather large letters. Should I be worried?
IE: Achnad, have no fear. The fruit of your loins is merely giving vent to his feelings of alienation and burgeoning individualism. It might be wise, though in the eyes of Allah, to change the message to "Infidels Suck." You can get one on my website www.imaneddie.com. No cash refunds only credit. Next caller please.
Amatullah: Greetings to you Iman. I am a lowly female servant of Allah. My name is Amatullah! My question is I think my neighbor's wife is a whore, what is the best way to have her stoned?
IE: Make sure you have your husband denounce her at tonight's prayer service. Given the state of your iman's temper, she might be chastised before 8 PM. Next believer please?
Butch: Hello, my name is Butch and I just wanted to tell you that my boyfriend Serge and I think that what you are saying is terrible. We think you should be less judgemental of others and more understanding. My friends and I would love to explain our point of view to you. Do you plan on opening a mosque in the meat packing district?
IE: Infidel Fornicator of Dogs! May you and your illicit lover be damned from Allah's eyes forever. I hope to see you burning in ashes of your family, friends, and loved ones. You are an abomination I wish to blot from the earth!
Butch: Geeezuss, I was only asking a question...
IE: Next caller please
Keshi: Hello, this is Keshi. I believe the world would be a much better place if we could all find a small portion of the planet to call our "personal peace preserve." What do you think?
IE: I think you need to don a burka, find a husband, help him find paradise (complete with 72 virgins), and take solace in the fact that salvation is a man's occupation. Next caller please!
Tony: Hi this Tony from Jersey! Iman Eddie, where's your mosque? Some friends of mine and I wish to partake of services and perhaps interface with you as soon as possible.
IE: Currently I have no permanent mosque. I have been moving services from location to location all over the tri state area. Perhaps we could hold services near you?
Tony: Oh yeah, that would be great! Maybe you should come and peruse our social club ALONE before you hold services there. I, and my friends, could meet you. Our club is called "The Sons of Italy, Newark Chapter." Can you come tonight?
IE: Praise Allah, if it is his will, I will be there at 8 PM.
Tony: Fantastic. Don't forget to come alone.
IE: Who wishes to praise Allah next?
Lou: Hey yeah, this is Lou...your landlord.
IE: How may Allah, through me, help you?
Lou: Yeah, you been dodging me for weeks, where's my rent?
IE: The will of Allah is like the zephyr, in it you will find the whirlwind and your money.
Lou: Huh?
IE: Your time will come when Allah knows you see the light.
Lou: Well, it's unlikely that Allah and I are going to see the things eye to eye. You see, I need your rent to contribute to my temple.
IE: You are a Jew?
Lou: Ummm, yeah.
IE: Damnable piece of human debris. You will get your money...NEVER! Do not speak to me again as I was pure in the eyes of Allah, now I am defiled by having listened to ramblings of Jew....(ah you get the picture)
See you next time on Freaky Fundamentalism with Mr. Friendly. And don'tforget what happened five years ago today. ¶ 7:26 AM
