Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Damn you, lil' Ricky! Damn you straight to Hell!
This past Saturday marked the feast of St. Theophilus, and thus, what better time was there to celebrate with some all day poker!
Well, that's what theHost thought. Blame him God. I am just an addict and can't be held responsible for my actions.
The Mrs., Junior, and lil' Squirt were loaded in the car, you know, along side some potato salad, cigars, and some sweet, sweet beer for the trip to outer Latham, site of chez deHost. We arrived around 3 PM and were late comers. Some of the early degenerates were: Cooper, MarkyMark, lilRicky, and theHost's brothers (Mutt AND Jeff). They established a ring game beachhead while waiting for reinforcements. Glad I could oblige.
I handed out one cigar (Mark will smoke anything). I made sure the Mrs. was situated with lil' Squirt. Handed a grape juice to Junior, grabbed a barley juice for myself and proceeded to lose two buy ins within an hour.
One and only one lowlight: That sumbatch lilRicky would not fold to my hammer bet of about 6 or 7 times the big blind. When the shaky flop had a seven, I pushed my meager stack into the pot and Rick thought...
...and thought...and thought...ah, hell you get it. Then the bahstahd called me.
SUMOFABIATCHING CALLING STATION! DOESN'T HE KNOW I HAVE THE MOST POWERFUL HAND IN HOLD 'EM!
He had a seven too. And some paint. There are only two things to do now:
1.) Get some money for the tournaments.
2.) Get a beer.
By tourney time we were blessed with arrival of some new money (RangerDanger and Mrs. Danger, letsChat and Tanya Harding) and the departure of some old (lilRicky and Cooper).
It took me approximately 10.7 nanoseconds to get down to the felt in the first tourney. However, your hero was not done. My leaky stack held its own until Mutt went down. Then Junior hopped in my lap and my luck turned. She asked to see my cards and I said "OK, but tell anyone who asks NOTHING!" My dutiful daughter intoned "NOTHING!" to any and all that might wish to have some inkling on my down cards. Like the great kid she is, she kept that up all night long.
Jeff turned to me at one point and said two things: a.) I need a beer; and b.) I AM ALL IN. He was drinking in mere moments. Those extra drinks carried a mystical mojo for me though. At about the time Jeff got up, the cards turned sweet, oh so sweet for your hero (Thanks Jeff!). Suddenly, there are four people left and I am one of them.
Time for my favorite play: wait for one of the remaining chumps to make a mistake and MONEY. MarkyMark was happy to oblige. I pushed on one of the next two hands and got knocked out by letsChat (another SUMBIATCH).
Ah well, Junior wanted to go swimming anyways. Time for a burger and a swim. Don't worry folks, the water was only 4 feet deep. No chance that cramping would spoil our revelry.
By the second game, the lineup changed again. Enter Cooper, back from some godforsaken kiddie party and lilRicky, I have no idea where he was. LetsChat and Tanya needed to split for a family obligation so I guess I would have to work my hostile animus on lilRicky.
The Mrs. was enjoying herself most of the time despite hating cards. She was chatting up the other non-combatants in the loser lounge (garage) where theHost has couches and a TV. Additionally, there were several hands to hold and make a fuss over lil' Squirt. It was starting to get late, so the Mrs. was planning to go home. I offered to keep Junior and catch a ride back with theHost. She nearly shat herself with that offer and sped off about an hour and a half later. Well, you know, lil Squirt needs to eat, get his diaper changed, sleep, listen to Mommy talk to the other Mommies, etc.
Back to action. Junior forsakes me for the two female combatants (Cooper and Mrs. Danger). Cooper teaches my loving daughter the unforgettable "Girls Rule, Boys Drool!" Junior dubs her Queenie and Mrs. Danger the Princess (She likes royalty, go figure!) and the fight for poker supremacy is on.
I figured having lilRicky to my right would prove entertaining. I was disappointed because I had nothing early and Ricky felt the need to play every one of the first ten hands. Down to the felt for lilRicky. Oh well.
Cooper and Mrs. Danger (now Queenie and Princess) kept pretty good tabs on my princess. Really good. Junior was having a great time and no one was getting to worked up about her four year old shenanigans. Thanks people! And thanks especially to the ladies of our little poker tour. You did great work.
Oh, results of the game:
1.) lilRicky gets too agressive early and bites the dust.
2.) MarkyMark has a stack and loses it.
3.) RangerDanger's brother AK runs into my AJ on a AJx flop. It was nice playing with your RangerDanger brother. That gives me the bounty. Cool $10.
4.) I knock out RangerDanger
5.) I knock out theHost.
6.) I don't know who knocks out Cooper.
7.) I get my seventeenth big slick of the night, suck out for the twentieth time, beat Mrs. RangerDanger and become the St. Theophilus' reigning champion.
8.) We wrap up the festivities with a little "hide and seek" by Junior's request.
On behalf of the entire Friendly family, thank you all. ¶ 7:23 AM
Well, that's what theHost thought. Blame him God. I am just an addict and can't be held responsible for my actions.
The Mrs., Junior, and lil' Squirt were loaded in the car, you know, along side some potato salad, cigars, and some sweet, sweet beer for the trip to outer Latham, site of chez deHost. We arrived around 3 PM and were late comers. Some of the early degenerates were: Cooper, MarkyMark, lilRicky, and theHost's brothers (Mutt AND Jeff). They established a ring game beachhead while waiting for reinforcements. Glad I could oblige.
I handed out one cigar (Mark will smoke anything). I made sure the Mrs. was situated with lil' Squirt. Handed a grape juice to Junior, grabbed a barley juice for myself and proceeded to lose two buy ins within an hour.
One and only one lowlight: That sumbatch lilRicky would not fold to my hammer bet of about 6 or 7 times the big blind. When the shaky flop had a seven, I pushed my meager stack into the pot and Rick thought...
...and thought...and thought...ah, hell you get it. Then the bahstahd called me.
SUMOFABIATCHING CALLING STATION! DOESN'T HE KNOW I HAVE THE MOST POWERFUL HAND IN HOLD 'EM!
He had a seven too. And some paint. There are only two things to do now:
1.) Get some money for the tournaments.
2.) Get a beer.
By tourney time we were blessed with arrival of some new money (RangerDanger and Mrs. Danger, letsChat and Tanya Harding) and the departure of some old (lilRicky and Cooper).
It took me approximately 10.7 nanoseconds to get down to the felt in the first tourney. However, your hero was not done. My leaky stack held its own until Mutt went down. Then Junior hopped in my lap and my luck turned. She asked to see my cards and I said "OK, but tell anyone who asks NOTHING!" My dutiful daughter intoned "NOTHING!" to any and all that might wish to have some inkling on my down cards. Like the great kid she is, she kept that up all night long.
Jeff turned to me at one point and said two things: a.) I need a beer; and b.) I AM ALL IN. He was drinking in mere moments. Those extra drinks carried a mystical mojo for me though. At about the time Jeff got up, the cards turned sweet, oh so sweet for your hero (Thanks Jeff!). Suddenly, there are four people left and I am one of them.
Time for my favorite play: wait for one of the remaining chumps to make a mistake and MONEY. MarkyMark was happy to oblige. I pushed on one of the next two hands and got knocked out by letsChat (another SUMBIATCH).
Ah well, Junior wanted to go swimming anyways. Time for a burger and a swim. Don't worry folks, the water was only 4 feet deep. No chance that cramping would spoil our revelry.
By the second game, the lineup changed again. Enter Cooper, back from some godforsaken kiddie party and lilRicky, I have no idea where he was. LetsChat and Tanya needed to split for a family obligation so I guess I would have to work my hostile animus on lilRicky.
The Mrs. was enjoying herself most of the time despite hating cards. She was chatting up the other non-combatants in the loser lounge (garage) where theHost has couches and a TV. Additionally, there were several hands to hold and make a fuss over lil' Squirt. It was starting to get late, so the Mrs. was planning to go home. I offered to keep Junior and catch a ride back with theHost. She nearly shat herself with that offer and sped off about an hour and a half later. Well, you know, lil Squirt needs to eat, get his diaper changed, sleep, listen to Mommy talk to the other Mommies, etc.
Back to action. Junior forsakes me for the two female combatants (Cooper and Mrs. Danger). Cooper teaches my loving daughter the unforgettable "Girls Rule, Boys Drool!" Junior dubs her Queenie and Mrs. Danger the Princess (She likes royalty, go figure!) and the fight for poker supremacy is on.
I figured having lilRicky to my right would prove entertaining. I was disappointed because I had nothing early and Ricky felt the need to play every one of the first ten hands. Down to the felt for lilRicky. Oh well.
Cooper and Mrs. Danger (now Queenie and Princess) kept pretty good tabs on my princess. Really good. Junior was having a great time and no one was getting to worked up about her four year old shenanigans. Thanks people! And thanks especially to the ladies of our little poker tour. You did great work.
Oh, results of the game:
1.) lilRicky gets too agressive early and bites the dust.
2.) MarkyMark has a stack and loses it.
3.) RangerDanger's brother AK runs into my AJ on a AJx flop. It was nice playing with your RangerDanger brother. That gives me the bounty. Cool $10.
4.) I knock out RangerDanger
5.) I knock out theHost.
6.) I don't know who knocks out Cooper.
7.) I get my seventeenth big slick of the night, suck out for the twentieth time, beat Mrs. RangerDanger and become the St. Theophilus' reigning champion.
8.) We wrap up the festivities with a little "hide and seek" by Junior's request.
On behalf of the entire Friendly family, thank you all. ¶ 7:23 AM
