Monday, June 12, 2006
Viewer Mail
Hey.
How was your weekend?
Mine sucked the life right out of me.
How about, instead writing some dreadfully insipid new stuff on the habib and poker front, I give you a lame viewer mail segment.
Anything to finish this assignment.
Email #1:
Dear Mr. Friendly,
I am in a 5 handed $4/8 NL game. I sit in the cutoff with KJo and about $300 on the table. UTG went all in for $100, UTG + 1 raised all in, then, some donkey in MP pushed his last $200 into the pot. Am I good here?
Signed,
The Midnight Donkey Pusher.
Dear MDP,
Turn off the computer and get some sleep.
MF.
Email Numero B
Yo Mr. Friendly,
Que? Ou es muy stupido? Paul Vandenburgh o mono?
Sinceramente,
Juan Valdez
Dear Juan,
You're fuggin kidding right? A monkey may not be able to pronounce Tikrit, remuneration, or Jorge Posada BUT, the monkey will not try the old "that's how they taught me in grade school" bluff.
MF.
Email #3
Dear Mrs. Freimly Person,
Greetings! My name is Raveeendra Ankamapooloorgautum. Call me Ravi. Me Computer Engineer with English Composition Experience Me interested in Computer Position. You will hire me due to my vast doubts in Semiconductor Technology. You don't mind purchasing $2,000 H1B sponsorship. My sister's husband's arranged marriage wife's second cousin is intellectual property attorney. She says you must pay me or Else?
Is it ok for me to get paid for 1000 hours before contract signing? I await your answer anxiously!
Hope your year prosperous and family multudinous.
Greetings!
Ravi
Dear Raveeendra,
STFU!
And go buy a vowel for cripessakes!
MF.
Email D
Hey Man!
How's the wife? How's the new addition to the family? Have you been paid yet?
A friend.
Hey Friend,
Thanks for asking, don't get me started.
Seriously, Mrs. Friendly is still very much pregnant, thus the addition has not gotten his green card (in a manner of speaking) yet.
Sadly, I have not been paid yet. Client owes me for 516 hours of labor. That is roughly 17% of total contract work complete.
The only funny thing is the commercials the local union runs on high priced consultants. Funny shat.
MF.
Email Numero Cinque!
Dear Mr. Friendly,
Drink, drank, drunk?
Sincerely,
An English Teacher in Troy, NY
Dear Teach,
Drink - infinitive, do not split. As in "Would you like to drink some beer?"
Drank - Past tense. Example: My mom drank too much Night Train.
Drunk - Past Participle (weak, passive language): If I had drunk the Drano, I would not have to take the Math III regents.
Yeah, lay that one on the 17 year old shatheads.
MF.
If you, or someone you know, needs an answer to a burning question, please don't mail it to mrfriendlyalb@yahoo.com. I may answer or I might be too busy. Who knows?
Thanks for stopping by. ¶ 7:17 AM
How was your weekend?
Mine sucked the life right out of me.
How about, instead writing some dreadfully insipid new stuff on the habib and poker front, I give you a lame viewer mail segment.
Anything to finish this assignment.
Email #1:
Dear Mr. Friendly,
I am in a 5 handed $4/8 NL game. I sit in the cutoff with KJo and about $300 on the table. UTG went all in for $100, UTG + 1 raised all in, then, some donkey in MP pushed his last $200 into the pot. Am I good here?
Signed,
The Midnight Donkey Pusher.
Dear MDP,
Turn off the computer and get some sleep.
MF.
Email Numero B
Yo Mr. Friendly,
Que? Ou es muy stupido? Paul Vandenburgh o mono?
Sinceramente,
Juan Valdez
Dear Juan,
You're fuggin kidding right? A monkey may not be able to pronounce Tikrit, remuneration, or Jorge Posada BUT, the monkey will not try the old "that's how they taught me in grade school" bluff.
MF.
Email #3
Dear Mrs. Freimly Person,
Greetings! My name is Raveeendra Ankamapooloorgautum. Call me Ravi. Me Computer Engineer with English Composition Experience Me interested in Computer Position. You will hire me due to my vast doubts in Semiconductor Technology. You don't mind purchasing $2,000 H1B sponsorship. My sister's husband's arranged marriage wife's second cousin is intellectual property attorney. She says you must pay me or Else?
Is it ok for me to get paid for 1000 hours before contract signing? I await your answer anxiously!
Hope your year prosperous and family multudinous.
Greetings!
Ravi
Dear Raveeendra,
STFU!
And go buy a vowel for cripessakes!
MF.
Email D
Hey Man!
How's the wife? How's the new addition to the family? Have you been paid yet?
A friend.
Hey Friend,
Thanks for asking, don't get me started.
Seriously, Mrs. Friendly is still very much pregnant, thus the addition has not gotten his green card (in a manner of speaking) yet.
Sadly, I have not been paid yet. Client owes me for 516 hours of labor. That is roughly 17% of total contract work complete.
The only funny thing is the commercials the local union runs on high priced consultants. Funny shat.
MF.
Email Numero Cinque!
Dear Mr. Friendly,
Drink, drank, drunk?
Sincerely,
An English Teacher in Troy, NY
Dear Teach,
Drink - infinitive, do not split. As in "Would you like to drink some beer?"
Drank - Past tense. Example: My mom drank too much Night Train.
Drunk - Past Participle (weak, passive language): If I had drunk the Drano, I would not have to take the Math III regents.
Yeah, lay that one on the 17 year old shatheads.
MF.
If you, or someone you know, needs an answer to a burning question, please don't mail it to mrfriendlyalb@yahoo.com. I may answer or I might be too busy. Who knows?
Thanks for stopping by. ¶ 7:17 AM
