I want to write. Really. Take a quick gander at exhibit A. Who says the Times Union isn't tough on the establishment?

I do.

And don't forget. If you don't play nice and close a few churches and schools, or don't get down with his religion, or, heaven forbid, stop contributing, he will be forced to make a few hard calls himself.

Residents of Watervliet, Green Island, prepare to attend services in Cohoes. All others within a 50 mile radius of Albany will be attending Sunday Mass in Loudonville. No, wait a minute, they will not let you in there. Everyone get back on the bus! We're going to Albany.

Now on to some serious Moronica...

Mr. Friendly's Top Ten Confession Suggestions
1.) There is no such thing as an impure thought. Unfortunately for some of us, some thoughts are purely lustful, greedy, selfish...
2.) Keep in mind that the screen that keeps the priest from seeing you also keeps you from seeing him.
3.) Desiring to see your fundamentalist neighbors in the fiery furnace is NOT a sin.
4.) Try to put things in perspective for your confessor. For example, cheating on your taxes may be sinful but, put in the proper perspective, like how the government screws all of us over, it can be overlooked.
5.) You can stop counting the number of "Lord's name in vain" now.
6.) Keep up your end of the bargain. Try saying the "Our Father" really fast. If you can't do it in under five seconds, you are not really trying. Keep practicing.
7.) Don't cop to anything that can't be proven.
8.) Don't be dope. Confess at a Church well off the beaten path. I usually go fifteen miles from home.
9.) Gambling is only sinful if you use the grocery, rent, or utility money.
10.) Remember two things: never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut.   ¶ 1:02 PM