Sounds you should not hear... ...in the stall next to yours:
1.) Grunting
2.) whistling
3.) heavy breathing
4.) singing
5.) that noise Errol Flynn made in those old Pirate movies. You
know the one where he would jump from ship's mast, knife in hand,
land on the sail and slowly lower himself by ripping the sail with
his knife. Sounded something like...
"KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"
6.) For the love of God, NO CELL PHONE CALLS!
7.) Did I mention muttering? I mean, for crying out loud, do you
think we CAN'T HEAR YOU! Work on your
passiveaggressivelatenthomosexualhostility in the comfort or
our own home or therapist's office.
Not here, people are trying to concentrate.
8.) Bees buzzing. I mean, what the heck will you do if they attack?
9.) Splashing.
10.) Women's voices...oh shat! I walked into the ladies room again.
11.) Snoring
12.) Screaming. C'mon what the hell are you passing there? A bowling ball?
13.) Exclamations like "Oh, boy!", "Oh, mama!", or "Ay Chihuahua!"
14.) Foot tapping...wait, that's what I do. FU! Its my defense
mechanism for the bathroom lunatics.  ¶ 8:23 AM