Thursday, March 30, 2006
Scary Big Teeth
Welcome to today’s installment of Moronicon Theatre!
Minding my business at work the other day. Sending emails to the test staff in the hope that we can run through my scripts before the Friday at 3:30, one of the H1Bs pokes his head into my cube.
“Mr. Friendly financial guru?!”
“Yo.” (that’s how I fuggin roll.)
“What do you think of financial guru Robert Kiyosaki?”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, I very much value your advice.”
Well,
Life is good for Robert Kiyosaki. It has been a long, hard road to get here but, now, he sits at the apex. Speaking engagements ring in at 40 large a pop. His books, thanks to Amway and PBS, capture three places in Amazon Top 100, “How to be a Rich Dad” classes chime in at a hefty 5K per seat. I can’t argue with his personal success.
I don’t think that is what H1B wanted to know.
“Mr. Friendly, financial guru sir. What do you think of his advice?”
Oh.
What advice?
The network marketing?
The real estate?
Or the precious metals?
I ask the H1B the crucial question:
Why would you consider advice from someone who:
a.) contradicts himself
b.) does not dabble in specifics
c.) gives dopey advice?
I get the Blank Stare.
That’s cool. I know fighting KiyosakiNation is a joke. You are better off chasing donkeys from a poker table. KiyosakiNation doesn’t care that he gives unethical, maybe illegal, advice like courting rich friends in order to get insider information on stocks. They don’t care if his advice is stupid like deferring the principal payment on a private mortgage into the far future. They don’t care that he makes a large portion of his money writing books, doing seminars, and speaking.
Doesn’t faze them one bit.
They do care about The Big Dream though. You know, the one where they have the
Big Car.
Big House.
Big Trophy Wife.
As a self help/richdad/advice provider, Big Bob was delivering the goods.
Big House, check.
Big car, check.
Big trophy wife, check and mate
For his trouble, H1B and KiyosakiNation receive:
1.) Buy the books, they get pounds of flammable material
2.) Buy Amway products, get some decent product PLUS dinnertime marketing calls for eternity.
3.) Contribute to PBS, they get the satisfaction that they contributed to a worthy cause. One that is bested by Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, The Living Channel, Home and Garden TV, Food Network, CNBC, National Geographic
AND puts the arm on you 4 to 6 times a year. Plus the added bonus of premier
Moronic content like your favorite guru, Robert Kiyosaki.
For my trouble, H1B pretends he doesn’t understand me.
“What do you think of Financial Guru Robert Kiyosaki?”
“Well, what’s wrong with Suze Ormon?,” I said
“She is financial guru?”
I added “Yeah, her advice is much more sound. And there is a plus”
“What is this plus?”
“In a pinch, Suze’s mutated front choppers give her the ability to bite Kiyosaki head clean off!”
Don’t be hating on me, I merely provide this theatre as a Public Service Announcement. ¶ 11:38 AM
Minding my business at work the other day. Sending emails to the test staff in the hope that we can run through my scripts before the Friday at 3:30, one of the H1Bs pokes his head into my cube.
“Mr. Friendly financial guru?!”
“Yo.” (that’s how I fuggin roll.)
“What do you think of financial guru Robert Kiyosaki?”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, I very much value your advice.”
Well,
Life is good for Robert Kiyosaki. It has been a long, hard road to get here but, now, he sits at the apex. Speaking engagements ring in at 40 large a pop. His books, thanks to Amway and PBS, capture three places in Amazon Top 100, “How to be a Rich Dad” classes chime in at a hefty 5K per seat. I can’t argue with his personal success.
I don’t think that is what H1B wanted to know.
“Mr. Friendly, financial guru sir. What do you think of his advice?”
Oh.
What advice?
The network marketing?
The real estate?
Or the precious metals?
I ask the H1B the crucial question:
Why would you consider advice from someone who:
a.) contradicts himself
b.) does not dabble in specifics
c.) gives dopey advice?
I get the Blank Stare.
That’s cool. I know fighting KiyosakiNation is a joke. You are better off chasing donkeys from a poker table. KiyosakiNation doesn’t care that he gives unethical, maybe illegal, advice like courting rich friends in order to get insider information on stocks. They don’t care if his advice is stupid like deferring the principal payment on a private mortgage into the far future. They don’t care that he makes a large portion of his money writing books, doing seminars, and speaking.
Doesn’t faze them one bit.
They do care about The Big Dream though. You know, the one where they have the
Big Car.
Big House.
Big Trophy Wife.
As a self help/richdad/advice provider, Big Bob was delivering the goods.
Big House, check.
Big car, check.
Big trophy wife, check and mate
For his trouble, H1B and KiyosakiNation receive:
1.) Buy the books, they get pounds of flammable material
2.) Buy Amway products, get some decent product PLUS dinnertime marketing calls for eternity.
3.) Contribute to PBS, they get the satisfaction that they contributed to a worthy cause. One that is bested by Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, The Living Channel, Home and Garden TV, Food Network, CNBC, National Geographic
AND puts the arm on you 4 to 6 times a year. Plus the added bonus of premier
Moronic content like your favorite guru, Robert Kiyosaki.
For my trouble, H1B pretends he doesn’t understand me.
“What do you think of Financial Guru Robert Kiyosaki?”
“Well, what’s wrong with Suze Ormon?,” I said
“She is financial guru?”
I added “Yeah, her advice is much more sound. And there is a plus”
“What is this plus?”
“In a pinch, Suze’s mutated front choppers give her the ability to bite Kiyosaki head clean off!”
Don’t be hating on me, I merely provide this theatre as a Public Service Announcement. ¶ 11:38 AM
